Monday, December 23, 2013

The Comeback Series

Over the years, I have noticed many sayings and questions that get repeated toward me. Thus, I have developed some clever responses. He are a few:

Do you have change for a dollar?
-I wouldn’t change for any amount of money.

Do you have the time? 

Did your mom drop you as a baby? 
-No silly, when my mom was a baby, I wasn’t born. 

Dude you have no sense of humor! 
-Yeah, it heightens my other senses.

Have you lost your mind? 
-(Touch head to check) Nope!

That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. 
-Really? The stupidest thing I’ve ever heard is “blagalongoloo.”

Ugh, don’t you have any patience? 
-No, why would I, I’m no doctor.

How do you get to [Insert location here]?
-You walk or drive, I suppose.

Times flies when your having fun.
-That’s odd, a frog once told me times fun when your having flies.

You need to get some common sense!
-Do you have change for a dollar?

Which is your favorite? What responses would add? Tell me in the comments below. 

-The Anon Blogger

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Monday, November 4, 2013

The Anon Blogger Quiz

How well do you know the Anon Blogger? See if you can answer these question to find out:

1. Where does my cat like to sit?
A) My Head
B) My Chair
C) The Couch

2. What creepy or cute thing did my teacher send me?
A) ;) ;) ;)
B) I Am In Love With You
C) I’ll See you tonight ;) ;)

3. What was I proud of at the DMV?
A) Getting my permit
B) Getting my license
C) Making a perfect checkmark

4. When was my first blog post posted?
A) 1/3/12
B) 4/14/11
C) 5/31/12

5. What names did I use in “A Clever Name?”
A) Josh And Harry
B) Harry and Gary
C) Josh And Gary

6. What is the name of my recurring comic character?
A) Timmy The Spider
B) Jimmy The Porcupine
C) Kimmy The JellyFish

7. If you are in a race, and you pass the person in 2nd place, what place are you in?
A) 1st
B) 2nd
C) 3rd

8. What’s my name?
A) El Muerto
B) Don
C) No One Knows

9. What is my opinion of 3D?
1) Positive
2) Neutral
3) Very Bad

10. What two things do I want more than anything else? 
A) Monkey and Segway
B) An Autograph From The Royal Baby
C) One Million Dollars

Check your answers below…

1. On my chair.
2. ;) ;) ;)
3. The perfect check mark.
4. 5/31/12
5. Josh and Gary
6. Timmy The Spider
7. 2nd
8. We don’t know.
9. Very Bad
10. Monkey and Segway

Did you get all of them right? If yes, congrats! If not, you’ve got some blog reading to do.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Life Lessons: Blenders

Blenders have the power to unlock new possibilities for all. They can puree and smoothee, but they also can be incredibly dangerous (Dun Dun DUUUUUUN). Let me give you a warning of how not to handle a blender through a story my brother and I definitely did not accidently cause via stupidity.

1. Make sure you know how to blend before you attempt. If you don’t, the blade will keep turning and nothing will happen. Wait scratch that, something will happen. Your blender will start smoking. (I kept telling it smoking was bad for its health, but I guess it was addicted). All I know is…

2. If your blender starts smoking, you might want to stop using it. Otherwise, the motor might explode, filling your house with more smoke, leading you to flee the house and walk around the block until the smell and fumes left. However…

3. You should not put the smoking blender in front of the fan you’ve been using to fight the summer heat. I know what you’re thinking, it will blow away the smoke, and you are right but apparently, the smoke just blows away from the fan, into the house. Again, not saying I did this myself, but I suggest against it. And lastly…

4. Don’t do this in your parent’s house. They will not be happy. If you do do this, just hide it from them. Make sure not to give any indication that’s something is wrong: nervousness, lack of eye contact, a blog post on your blog that they claim to read. None of that.

Follow all these steps and I’m sure this won’t happen to me I mean you ever again. Now go out and blend in!

-The Anon Blogger

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Monday, August 26, 2013

The 2013 VMA’s: Miley Cyrus Cannot Stop

Yesterday, the VMA’s happened and I have to say, I’m speechless. Luckily this is written and I don’t have writer’s block. There were really only two things that stood out. Miley Cyrus goes crazy and NSYNC returns (cue the squeals from girls in there 20s everywhere…Okay, and guys), but let’s stick to Miley. The truth is, there’s no way I could give it justice in words, so I went to the internet to find some pictures to describe the night. 


First you have the red carpet. Looking back, this should have been a sign for what’s to come. I mean here is Miley years ago:

And here is her now:

But that was only the beginning. There was also a performance. Naturally, she had the standard stoned bears dancing across the stage:

And of course there was some mandatory Miley Cyrus twerking with a giant (also a side note both twerking and Miley are not accepted by Word): 

And lastly, there was the moment when everyone in the world collectively burned their foam fingers. Now that is too inappropriate for even me to post, so I’ll just give you Will Smith’s family’s reaction. It really captures the night: 

It's actually a reaction to Lady Gaga, but I think it captures Miley's moment just as well.

Did you enjoy the performance? Did it 'twerk'? (see what I did there ;) ;) ) Tell me in the comments below.

-The Anon Blogger

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Monday, August 19, 2013

The Newest Coolest Name

Every person dreams of putting his mark on the world. Leaving something that people will use for all of eternity…or at least until humans cease to exists. How did this get to such a dark place?

Anyway, I’ve decided that I want to leave my mark with a name. A name that people will use for generations. The loftiest of kings will speak this name and the poorest of peasants. The name: Fusduece. 

Yes, Fusduece. For years I have used this name for RPGs and now I release it to the world. Use it as you will. Name your kids Fusduce, your dog, your plant, anything; just let it spread to the world at fly free through the mouths of the nations. 

Imagine walking into work or class and have the boss/teacher call out your name Fusduece. Think of how the people will fawn at the superiority and originality of your name. Fusduece is the path to success and love.

Imagine how the men/ladies will react to you when they hear your name is Fusduece. Their eyes will light up with fascination and their hearts will beat with the deep feeling of love. 

Fusduece is the name of the century, no, the millennium, no, the eternity. So remember it, dear readers, for Fusduece is the name for the present and the future. Use it, and be the first pioneers of the age of Fusduece.

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, July 25, 2013

Everybody’s Talking About The Royal Baby

The world is in turmoil. The economy’s of the world have crashed, the Middle East is exploding with revolutions, but most importantly, the royal baby has been born.

Yes, many of you might have noticed that the newsfeeds of the world have been cluttered with baby coverage. The entire universe is waiting with baited breath for the next story of the baby, naturally, because this story is the most impactful on our daily lives. 

The first item on the docket for the baby was what to name him. They were deciding between George, Alexander, and Louis, but in true political fashion, they decided on the name, George Alexander Louis. His initials are GAL (I wonder what gender they were hoping for?).

Most importantly, this baby is third in line for kingship. That means if two people die, Barney might be the first dinosaur to ever be knighted. Ms. Frizzle would likely be elected head of education, and the Teletubbies could become the British ambassadors to Mars. Moreover, British alliances would be determined by whichever country had the best toys and most stylish Sippy cups. 

Although if he is going to come in to power, I really hope it is not during his teenage years. Pikachu becoming the national mascot of England would be fun when he’s a kid, but I could not deal with Sir Justin Bieber or Sirs One Direction when he becomes post-pubescent. We have enough of that without making it official. (Although come to think of it, if he were to make them fight to the death, it would be pretty interesting (JK, relax teenage females of the world)). 

All I really have to say is stop with the baby talk. It’s an interesting story, but we don’t needed to have 24/7 coverage of every time the baby moves. No need to turn him into a reality star before he’s even taken his first steps. 

-The Anon Blogger

Comment Question: What do you think? Should the baby be getting this much publicity or is it time we shut the curtains? Tell me in the comments below. 

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Thursday, July 11, 2013

And We’ll Throw In A Blog Post Free of Charge

Nowadays, when people think of commercials, their heads turn to something like the Superbowl, where the most awesomest (I don’t care if it’s not a word, I’m using it) commercials are shown. However, I’d like to discuss the commercials that sell the new products on the market, like the Snuggie commercials.

One of the key features of these commercials is that they are always a good deal. Always. No matter the product, price, or quality, the commercial always says, “You can get it for only $X that’s $Y less than the retail price.” You really have to appreciate these commercials for looking out for our wallets by always guaranteeing us a good price. 

Then, many of them take the next step and offer something for free. Perhaps they throw in something completely irrelevant to the product, or perhaps they offer two of the products for the price of one. Either way, rather than scamming us, they offering us a good deal with a freebie, and all we have to do is a few easy payments of $19.95!

Well actually this is not true. There is always shipping and handling, but who can complain about an extra charge for shipping and handling when you have such a great deal? 

Thus, I would like to honor these commercials for providing us with such good deals over the years and so many freebies (after we pay for the product of course). Clearly, this is a selfless act.

-The Anon Blogger

P.S. Quick! Get this offer while supplies last. Comment below for the small price of $0.00 with FREE Shipping and Handling, but WAIT! There’s more. If you comment below, you will get to like and +1 the post for FREE. That’s FREE! No Charge! You better take this offer while supplies last. 


Thursday, July 4, 2013

The Deadly Lesson of Piñata

When you think of a children’s party, what do you think of?

No, not balloons. No, not cake. No, not clowns. Fine stop guessing, it’s piñatas. Those small little paper figures that are hung up to a tree and filled with candy.

The goal of these Piñatas? To hit them with a stick blindfolded until their guts spill out with candy for children to fight viciously over. 

Now my question to this is what lesson is this teaching to children?

1. You should hang people and animals up to a tree using a string.

2. Hitting people and animals hung up to a tree with sticks will provide you with candy.

3. After hitting a person hung up to a tree with a stick and breaking him open, you can eat what comes out.

4. After hitting a person hung up to a tree with a stick and breaking him open so something comes out, you fight with others to see who can eat more.

5. All of this should be done at a party.

Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t think this sends the right message. Perhaps we should just give the kids the candy so they can get hyper without endangering the life of the poor tree that died in its duty to provide entertainment for children. 

Plus, throwing candy at kids is much more fun then watching them hit something with a stick. Trust me.

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, June 27, 2013

They Say Don't Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth...Flowers Are The Exception

Flowers: they’re colorful, they’re beautiful. They’re useless. For years, the reason for giving flowers has baffled me. First, they don’t have a practical purpose. You can eat chocolate, but flowers just sit there and look pretty. Even a plunger can unclog a toilet, yet no one would think of giving it as a gift, and I don’t want to give any person I like something that’s less useful than a plunger.

Second, you have to take care of them. If you’re going to give someone something they’re going to have to take care of, at least make it a monkey (they can be trained to be butlers). When you receive flowers, you have to:

1. Find a vase, which I don’t usually have lying around, so this translates into: Buy a vase.
2. Fill that vase with water and maybe soil (more on that later).
3. Put in the flowers and make sure to check on them constantly to make sure they stay fresh.

Either do all this or let them die. Either way, it doesn’t bode well.

Lastly, Cats. Eat. Flowers. I’m sure they’re fine for their health (and by sure I mean I am too lazy to Google it), but whenever they go to eat the flowers, they just knock over the vase, flooding the table. The last thing I need is to build an ark every time flowers come my way.

Flowers are pretty, yes, but if I wanted to bring something pretty yet impractical into my house, I would just go with the monkey butler. At least he can bring me a soda.

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, June 20, 2013

Miss Utah, The Wisest Mind Of This Generation

Recently, Miss Utah was asked about woman’s salaries compared to men’s salaries and how they tend to be lower. The judges of the beauty contest wanted to know what this said about society.

She said: “I think we can relate this back to education and how we are continuing to try to strive to (pause) figure out how to create jobs right now. That is the biggest problem and I think, especially the men, are um, seen as the leaders of this and so we need to try and figure out how to create education better so we can solve this problem. Thank you.” (Source)

Many say this was a big flub, but if you look closely, this is one of the most insightful comments of our generation. Let’s analyze:

“I think we can relate this back to education”

This is a clever political move. Much like politicians, she clearly prepared an answer before talking in public. Then, she just tried to take whatever question was asked and answer it with what she prepared. She’s just as smart as a politician, and everyone knows what geniuses they are.

 “and how we are continuing to try to strive to (pause) figure out how to create jobs right now”

Here, she’s making an excellent point about the world’s effort to stimulate the job market, showing that she is clearly in tune with current events of society. Moreover, she acknowledges the slowness of this effort by saying, “to try to strive to (pause) figure out,” for the governments are not striving to fix the job market. They have not even figured out a plan, and they have not succeeded. They are just trying to strive to figure it out. 

“That is the biggest problem and I think, especially the men, are um, seen as the leaders of this”

She notes the enormity of the problem, but subtly answers the initial question by explaining that these failed efforts were led by men. Perhaps if there was equal pay, women could lead the job market back to where it needs to be. A very subtle yet clever retort.

“and so we need to try and figure out how to create education better so we can solve this problem.”

Here is perhaps the biggest example of her aptitude. Here, she makes the point that we need to improve education, but understands that this statement on its own is empty, so to emphasize the point, she makes the statement completely incomprehensible, showing how people will talk if education continues to fail them. By leaving English grammar aside, she makes her point especially powerful.

“Thank you.”

I think this part is self-explanatory.

Thus, I can understand where the irony of her answer could be lost, but hopefully, I have explained the genius of Miss Utah. Hopefully, now we can give her the respect a beauty contest contestant deserves. 

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, June 13, 2013

Shirt Traffic

Lately, I’ve been wearing shirts with sayings around the street I’ve noticed an odd trend. People (random people) stop, read the shirts and tell you what they think about them.

Now, it can be nice to get a random compliment, but there are a few things wrong with this.

1. I don’t know what they are talking about half the time. Let’s say my shirt says, “When all else fails, hope everyone else fails with you.” Someone comes up to me randomly and says, “ha I totally agree.” I know I’m wearing the shirt, but when I first hear this I’m thinking, “what are you agreeing with?”

Of course, five minutes later, I remember I’m wearing the shirt and realize what he meant.

2. Every time someone wants to read the shirt they stop. Just stop. Like in the middle of the street while everyone is walking they will just stop and read, holding up traffic. “¿por qué?,” I’m thinking. (Don’t ask me why I’m thinking Spanish.) As Dory said in Finding Nemo, “just keep swimming and don’t stop randomly to read my shirt.” At least I think it was something like that. 

3. The worst part is when people stop me to read. Okay I understand, my shirt is hilarious and I am awesome, so naturally you want to read the shirt, but why must you make me stand still so that you can read it. Then again, maybe that is the price of wearing an awesome shirt (that and $17.99 plus shipping and handling).

So I’ve decided to send the following message to all those who do this. Please stop. Stop commenting out of context, stop holding up traffic, and stop stopping me to read. Do this for the good of society.

Are you also annoyed by this? Tell me in the comments below.

-The Anon Blogger

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Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The Outlet War

Just made this cartoon and thought I'd share it. I might make this a series. 

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, June 6, 2013

Fortune Cookies

Have you ever ordered Chinese food? (If your answer was no, you should really get on that). Well when you do, the restaurants send these nice little cookies with little fortunes in them. I decided I would make my own little fortune cookies. Each of the links below lead to a fortune. Some are good, some are bad, none are actually indicative of what the future holds, but then again, maybe they are??? (But probably not).

Choose your fortune below to decide your fate:

Monday, June 3, 2013

1 Year Anniversary

Last Friday, The Anon Bloggers accomplished a huge feat. We reached our one year anniversary! Last year, I could never have imagined such growth. In a year, we have almost 150 google subscribers, over 600 twitter followers, over 100 Facebook fans, and numerous other who have enjoyed these posts, leading to over 30,000 page views.

However, the numbers don't matter as much as the individuals like you. If you've been here since the beginning, joined in in the middle, or even if this is your first time reading, you have made an impact on this blog. One that I appreciate more than you can know.

I know this blog might seem insignificant. One post a week making jokes about somethings that don't really matter, but it is also a distraction. A distraction from the serious topics of the world by emphasizing on the quirks of the world. And hopefully, it has made you smile and kept you entertained.

Hopefully over the next year I will be able to accomplish just as much or even more. Again, thanks to all of you. Here's to another year!

-The Anon Blogger

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Rethinking Idioms: Slept Like a Baby

Have you ever heard anybody say, “I slept like a baby?” This is supposed to mean a deep sleep, but is that really what it says? On the surface, this seems like it makes sense, but if you think about, it really means something different than what we use it for. 

Here it means you slept a good uninterrupted sleep, but from my knowledge of sitcoms, not many babies do this. 

Babies sleep at random periods a day, but when they go to sleep for the night they randomly wake up waiting for their parents to sooth them. Hard to think this is happening to thousands of people everyday who are “sleeping like a baby.”

Also, they wake up crying. How do you think babies sleep if they constantly wake up crying like a baby? Not very well. (Not to mention the fact that they sometimes wake up with a less than pleasant diaper).

All in all, the saying, “slept like a baby” means essentially that one did not sleep like a baby. Either that or one spent the night waking up constantly, crying and might have wet the bed. I don’t know about you, but I would not want to tell anybody if that happened to me last night. 

Here’s hoping you never sleep like a baby ever again (unless you are a baby in which it is unavoidable. Also, props on knowing how to read as a baby),
-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, May 16, 2013

Short Shorts #2: A Fault In Iron Man

As you all may know, Iron Man 3 recently was released and though I have yet to see it, I have one serious problem with his conception as a whole and that is, he is completely assassinatable.

1. His powers are in a suit.

2. Everyone knows who he is. 

3. He is a public figure.

Put these three things together and you get a guy who is mortal without his suit and constantly in public and potentially unprotected places and yet his worst enemies decide to attack him blatantly when he has his suit within reach. If one enemy decides to sniper him during a press conference, he is done for. Then again, as I've said before, movie villains aren't always that bright. I don't know about you, but I find it quite ironic (Get it?)

Agree? Disagree? Want to have an epic superhero debate in the comments section or on Facebook? Tell me in the comments below.

-The Anon Blogger

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Monday, May 6, 2013

Short Shorts #1: Proving Einstein Wrong

We all know the famous equation of Einsteins E=mc^2, but is this equation true?

I took a deep look into it and realized that it cannot possibly be true, and I will tell you why. Look closely at what a 'c' is. If you attach an arrow to it, it is just a rotation by 270 degrees. If you rotate 'm' 270 degrees, it will be a backwards 'E.' If you do that twice, it become a 'w.' However, if you do it thrice, it will be an E. m->->w->E.

Thus, E=mc^3 not mc^2.

Thank you, thank you very much, no applause necessary. I'll just take my nobel prize and go.

This blog post has been sponsored by the FSIAWINRPSPDS (Fake Science Institute of America, Which Is Not a Real Place So Please Don't Sue).

 -The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, April 18, 2013

Side Effects Include…

Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of commercials for drugs. You know what type I’m talking those ones where one person talks to the camera about how great a drug is and then explain the millions of deadly side effects.

I have seen many scary things, but these commercials are sometimes even more disturbing. Now, I understand that with drugs come side effects, but with the amounts of side effects these drugs have one would expect that it is some type of life saving medicine, but most of the times it’s something like birth control or even migraines.

Drugs like these should not have things like heart attack, suicidal thoughts, and perpetual urge to do the chicken dance as side effects. Okay I made up the last one, but the other ones are real and scary. I understand maybe headaches or dizziness, but I think for solving a migraine, a potential heart attack (or perpetual urge to do the chicken dance) is a little big. Also, why is it that these people always say these side effects with a smile? One of life’s mysteries I suppose.

Outside of that, there are other questions these commercials cause me to ponder. For example, why are the commercials usually just someone walking around trees and nature. Did this person have a migraine recently because it looks like they are fine? I am confused. Also, why are they alone? Is this the only person the drug has helped? Where are the others? And why are they smiling when talking about the side effects? Did I already ask this question?

I guess we’ll never know.

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, April 4, 2013

The English Rebellion: ‘I’ Before ‘E’ except after ‘C’

For many years, the English language has been filled with confusing words and sentences. It is ridden with words with thousands of meanings and meanings with thousands of words. In these segments, I aim at rooting out the issues with language and start: An English Rebellion

Most English speaker at some point in their English learning hear this old saying explaining some key spelling tips. The saying goes, “I’ before ‘E’ except after ‘C’ or sounding like ‘A’ as in ‘neighbor’ or ‘weigh.’”

This rule seems simple and easy to follow, and you can apply in certain cases, like with the word ‘friend’ or ‘beige.’ This universal rule seems to make the English language a lot more simple, which as I said, is the purpose of the English Rebellion. You’d think I would love this rule, but I don’t. “Why?” you ask. Because it doesn’t work.

This rule a bunch of exceptions which cause confusion to anyone who relies on this rule. Some exceptions are: seize, weird, either, height, foreign, leisure, counterfeit, forfeit, neither, their, reinsure, ancient, species, science, sufficient, society.

These regular, everyday words contradict this rule, which begs the question, why have the rule?

The rules are made to make things easier, but this rule just leads to confusions. This is why I urge the world to rid itself of this rule and stop making this language so unnecessarily confusing!

Comment Question: What do you think? Should we keep this rule or get rid of it? Will you join the rebellion?

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, March 21, 2013

The Cat’s Revenge

As you all probably remember, a few months ago, I posted about my cat taking over my chair and I asked you what to do. Most of you voted for me to kick my cat off the chair and reclaim my rightful place on the throne of the house.

However, naturally, my cat as an avid reader of the blog, got angry. At first, she was sly. She stopped jumping on the chair and fled whenever I started to sit, but then, when I got back from vacation, she put her plan into action. She recruited the other cat.

Yes, she somehow convinced our other cat to jump onto the chair and join her, preventing me from sitting down.

Now I know what you might be thinking. This is just a coincidence, but it is not. I see the way she stares at me cackling with her cat laugh. Okay she doesn’t cackle, but she does stare, a stare solely to humiliate me.

She has won…Or has she? I am plotting a plot of my own. A plot to overthrow her reign as master of the chair. As I said though, she reads the blog, so I cannot reveal it yet, but I don’t think she reads the comments. Tell me below what you think I should add to my plot. I may have lost the battle, but the war has just begun.

MHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-(*cough* *cough* *cough*). Wow evil laughing is hard. Just kidding, you can’t laugh and cough on a computer…Or can you?...No, you can’t

-The Anon Warrior

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Thursday, March 7, 2013

The Cow Pun Challenge

Recently, my family and I were walking home when my uncle told me about a case where a women hit a cow with her car. She was arrested, but she sued the farmer who owned the cow claiming the cow had mad cow disease.

We started making puns after this crazy case and it started to become a challenge to see who could make the most. I thought I’d share some with you:

-I think this case is a lot of bull.

-Most of the lawyers agree there is no gray area in this case. It’s all black and white.

-This women is trying to milk this case for all its got.

-Some say she has a legitimate claim, but I think she just has beef with the cow.

-That cow sure got creamed.

-I would tell her not to have a cow, but at this point, it’s pointless.

-She better win this case. There’s a lot at steak.

-I would say that the plaintiff was going to butcher her, but it looks like she’s already done the butchering.

-When the police first came, she tried to hide.

-That cow should have really moooooooooved.

-I heard she was trying to hit that cow. She was tailing him for five miles.

-They asked her why she did it? She said because she cud.

-I herd that in the accident she just broke a calf.

-When she was interrogated, she didn’t utter a word.

-I would go on, but the rest are cheesy.

Well I hope you veally enjoyed reading me yakking with these puns. Tell me if you want this to be a rare occurrence or you want moooore.

Tell me any puns that you think up in the comments below!

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, February 28, 2013

An English Rebellion: Can, Will, and May?

For many years, the English language has been filled with confusing words and sentences. It is ridden with words with thousands of meanings and meanings with thousands of words. In these segments, I aim at rooting out the issues with language and start: An English Rebellion

In our years of education and life, I doubt any of us have never experienced something like this:

You: Hey can you pass the salt?
Person: I CAN pass the salt. I am physically able to.

Let’s face it. Even though it’s annoying when it happens to you, it’s always fun to do to someone else, but is it necessary?

I want to present to you some of the other possible situations:
You: Hey will you pass the salt?
Person: Do you want me to pass the salt?

You: May you pass the salt?
Person: I may or I may not.

You: Wow The Anon Bloggers are awesome. I love this blog.
Person: Yes! I love this blog. I’m going to follow and like it on Facebook.

Okay that last one was a little off topic, but I think the point stands. There is a way of avoiding a question no matter how you phrase it, so please stop correcting us! The world has actual English issues. No need to make another that nobody follows.

Comment Question: Do you agree? Are you also annoyed by people who do this?

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, February 21, 2013

The Secret to Internet Success: The Smiley

Have you ever had trouble miscommunicating online? Ever had somebody take something the wrong way? Or ever had something mean to say, but didn’t want it to be obvious?

I am about to reveal to you the secret to accomplishing all of these: The Smiley.

Yes, all of your problems can be solved with just a simple :) or a :P.

If you ever are afraid someone will take things badly, all you have to do is add a smiley and it makes everything okay. And this works with almost everything.

Here are some examples:

Without smileys:

You shouldn’t have said that!

Will you stop already!

My mom says I shouldn’t talk to you!

You suck!

With smileys:

You shouldn’t have said that :)

Will you stop already :)

My mom says I shouldn’t talk to you :P

You suck :P

Suddenly, these horrible messages change into hilarious messages that make you want to smile right?

Now you have learned the secret to making any message okay. I hope you use it for good and not evil :)

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, February 7, 2013

The Classic Bad Guy

Many things aggravate me about movies, but one of the most aggravating things in a movie is the cliché bad guy. Here are some of the things I find annoying:

1. Unlimited henchmen: Somehow, no matter how obscure the criminal is, they always manage to have an unlimited amount of henchmen.

I understand that there are some underground ways of hiring people but come on! How many backstoryless, completely disposable, henchman can you hire? You should not have more henchman than China has people.

2. Monologue: Does this sound familiar?

Bad guy: I now have you in my grasp Mr. Good Guy, and I could easily kill you with my weapon right now, but instead, I am going to give you time to think of a way out or call back up and tell you my entire plan and backstory. That seems logical.

If you have the one guy who is potentially going to destroy your entire plan, you should take him out as quickly as you can, and if you want to wait, do not tell him your plan. This will never benefit you. Trust me.

3. Aim: Finally, the most aggravating of all aggravating bad guy clichés is terrible aim.

Somehow no matter how trained these bad guys are, they cannot hit the good guy if he was 600 pounds, standing completely still, and standing 3 feet away. They almost always miss. Plus, when they do hit, it is usually a random person that was only put in the movie to die.

Somehow though, the good guys can always get a direct hit. I have no explanation.

So there are a few annoying bad guy traits. Hopefully, one day, these traits will be put to rest.

Comment Question: Are you also annoyed by these clichés? What else would you add to the list? What would other movie clichés annoy you?

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, January 31, 2013

The Anon Blogger Guide To Television

Hello all and welcome to The Anon Blogger’s guide to television. Here are some tips on how to watch television and maybe how to write your own show!

Luckily for you, television has become extremely cliché (and who doesn’t love cliché?), so it’s extremely easy to learn.

1. The Concept

This is the basis for the show. For now, here the types of shows that you can find everywhere:

1.     Guys and girls hanging out as friends. This includes Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, and even classics like Seinfeld. Basically, any show where at some point in almost every episode you have the main characters together in one recurring setting. This can be the coffee shop in Friends and Seinfeld, the bar in How I Met Your Mother, and Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment in the Big Bang Theory. Also, usually, the entire plot is centered around a central character’s romance. It’s amazing how suddenly these similarities become clear, right?
2.     Cop/Government agent/Lawyer/Doctor/Really any professional that doesn’t play by the rules. I don’t even need to bring examples for this one. If you haven’t seen any of these, you don’t own a television.
3.     Girl Drama: Anything on ABCFamily.
4.     Reality: Those guilty pleasures that you pretend you never like to watch, but we all know you do. These can be just watching a family or person in their fake everyday lives (You know what I’m talking about Honey Boo Boo Child). They can also be the contests, like the 1,000,000 talent contests that are on air.
5.     Others. Yes there are some original ideas out there. (See TheFineBros sitcom Mymusic for an example:

2. Drama

Now that you’ve got some concept let’s go through the magic four dramas:

1.     Dating: Two of the characters start dating. This is fun at first, but then becomes trouble to the group. After a season or two, they have a fight and break up. They either stay broken up or…
2.     Get Married: Two of your characters decide to tie the knot, but this causes trouble in the group (I sense a theme!). Others start to question their own marital status, and there is always a fight for best man/maid of honor. Always. Once they’re married, you have a bunch of fights and once that gets old it’s time for…
3.    Pregnancy: Either the married couple has decided that they need to take the next step, or someone has gotten pregnant by accident. Oh no! Will they abort? (No they will never abort or else they will lose ratings). Will they adopt? Probably not or else why get pregnant. That means babies are on their way, and with new life comes the best drama…
4.     Death. Yes the juicy stuff is here, and that is death. Kill off a favorite minor character! On no, how sad! Kill off a main character, you’ve got guts. Kill off the main character! Not a good idea, so never do that. Unless it’s the finale of course. Death is the greatest of all drama, but don’t overuse it. Bring a character in, nurture him, make the audience love him, and then kill him. Best. Show. Ever.

3. Sex

I hate to say it because after all, I am usually a PG blogger, but unfortunately, if you are watching a show without sex, you are watching Disney channel. Every show nowadays has it, so expect it to come up somehow at least once every two episodes, and in most shows, even that is low.

And those are the basics of cliché television [Insert Cheers Here]. Well I hope I have helped you learn the ways of television. With this guide, you’ll be on your way in no time.

-The Anon Blogger

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