Flowers: they’re colorful, they’re beautiful. They’re useless. For years, the reason for giving flowers has baffled me. First, they don’t have a practical purpose. You can eat chocolate, but flowers just sit there and look pretty. Even a plunger can unclog a toilet, yet no one would think of giving it as a gift, and I don’t want to give any person I like something that’s less useful than a plunger.
Second, you have to take care of them. If you’re going to give someone something they’re going to have to take care of, at least make it a monkey (they can be trained to be butlers). When you receive flowers, you have to:
1. Find a vase, which I don’t usually have lying around, so this translates into: Buy a vase.
2. Fill that vase with water and maybe soil (more on that later).
3. Put in the flowers and make sure to check on them constantly to make sure they stay fresh.
Either do all this or let them die. Either way, it doesn’t bode well.
Lastly, Cats. Eat. Flowers. I’m sure they’re fine for their health (and by sure I mean I am too lazy to Google it), but whenever they go to eat the flowers, they just knock over the vase, flooding the table. The last thing I need is to build an ark every time flowers come my way.
Flowers are pretty, yes, but if I wanted to bring something pretty yet impractical into my house, I would just go with the monkey butler. At least he can bring me a soda.
-The Anon Blogger
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