Hello all and welcome to The Anon Blogger’s guide to television. Here are some tips on how to watch television and maybe how to write your own show!
Luckily for you, television has become extremely cliché (and who doesn’t love cliché?), so it’s extremely easy to learn.
1. The Concept
This is the basis for the show. For now, here the types of shows that you can find everywhere:
1. Guys and girls hanging out as friends. This includes Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, and even classics like Seinfeld. Basically, any show where at some point in almost every episode you have the main characters together in one recurring setting. This can be the coffee shop in Friends and Seinfeld, the bar in How I Met Your Mother, and Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment in the Big Bang Theory. Also, usually, the entire plot is centered around a central character’s romance. It’s amazing how suddenly these similarities become clear, right?
2. Cop/Government agent/Lawyer/Doctor/Really any professional that doesn’t play by the rules. I don’t even need to bring examples for this one. If you haven’t seen any of these, you don’t own a television.
3. Girl Drama: Anything on ABCFamily.
4. Reality: Those guilty pleasures that you pretend you never like to watch, but we all know you do. These can be just watching a family or person in their fake everyday lives (You know what I’m talking about Honey Boo Boo Child). They can also be the contests, like the 1,000,000 talent contests that are on air.
5. Others. Yes there are some original ideas out there. (See TheFineBros sitcom Mymusic for an example: http://www.youtube.com/user/MyMusicShow)
Now that you’ve got some concept let’s go through the magic four dramas:
1. Dating: Two of the characters start dating. This is fun at first, but then becomes trouble to the group. After a season or two, they have a fight and break up. They either stay broken up or…
2. Get Married: Two of your characters decide to tie the knot, but this causes trouble in the group (I sense a theme!). Others start to question their own marital status, and there is always a fight for best man/maid of honor. Always. Once they’re married, you have a bunch of fights and once that gets old it’s time for…
3. Pregnancy: Either the married couple has decided that they need to take the next step, or someone has gotten pregnant by accident. Oh no! Will they abort? (No they will never abort or else they will lose ratings). Will they adopt? Probably not or else why get pregnant. That means babies are on their way, and with new life comes the best drama…
4. Death. Yes the juicy stuff is here, and that is death. Kill off a favorite minor character! On no, how sad! Kill off a main character, you’ve got guts. Kill off the main character! Not a good idea, so never do that. Unless it’s the finale of course. Death is the greatest of all drama, but don’t overuse it. Bring a character in, nurture him, make the audience love him, and then kill him. Best. Show. Ever.
I hate to say it because after all, I am usually a PG blogger, but unfortunately, if you are watching a show without sex, you are watching Disney channel. Every show nowadays has it, so expect it to come up somehow at least once every two episodes, and in most shows, even that is low.
And those are the basics of cliché television [Insert Cheers Here]. Well I hope I have helped you learn the ways of television. With this guide, you’ll be on your way in no time.
-The Anon Blogger