Thursday, July 25, 2013

Everybody’s Talking About The Royal Baby

The world is in turmoil. The economy’s of the world have crashed, the Middle East is exploding with revolutions, but most importantly, the royal baby has been born.

Yes, many of you might have noticed that the newsfeeds of the world have been cluttered with baby coverage. The entire universe is waiting with baited breath for the next story of the baby, naturally, because this story is the most impactful on our daily lives. 

The first item on the docket for the baby was what to name him. They were deciding between George, Alexander, and Louis, but in true political fashion, they decided on the name, George Alexander Louis. His initials are GAL (I wonder what gender they were hoping for?).

Most importantly, this baby is third in line for kingship. That means if two people die, Barney might be the first dinosaur to ever be knighted. Ms. Frizzle would likely be elected head of education, and the Teletubbies could become the British ambassadors to Mars. Moreover, British alliances would be determined by whichever country had the best toys and most stylish Sippy cups. 

Although if he is going to come in to power, I really hope it is not during his teenage years. Pikachu becoming the national mascot of England would be fun when he’s a kid, but I could not deal with Sir Justin Bieber or Sirs One Direction when he becomes post-pubescent. We have enough of that without making it official. (Although come to think of it, if he were to make them fight to the death, it would be pretty interesting (JK, relax teenage females of the world)). 

All I really have to say is stop with the baby talk. It’s an interesting story, but we don’t needed to have 24/7 coverage of every time the baby moves. No need to turn him into a reality star before he’s even taken his first steps. 

-The Anon Blogger

Comment Question: What do you think? Should the baby be getting this much publicity or is it time we shut the curtains? Tell me in the comments below. 

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Thursday, July 11, 2013

And We’ll Throw In A Blog Post Free of Charge

Nowadays, when people think of commercials, their heads turn to something like the Superbowl, where the most awesomest (I don’t care if it’s not a word, I’m using it) commercials are shown. However, I’d like to discuss the commercials that sell the new products on the market, like the Snuggie commercials.

One of the key features of these commercials is that they are always a good deal. Always. No matter the product, price, or quality, the commercial always says, “You can get it for only $X that’s $Y less than the retail price.” You really have to appreciate these commercials for looking out for our wallets by always guaranteeing us a good price. 

Then, many of them take the next step and offer something for free. Perhaps they throw in something completely irrelevant to the product, or perhaps they offer two of the products for the price of one. Either way, rather than scamming us, they offering us a good deal with a freebie, and all we have to do is a few easy payments of $19.95!

Well actually this is not true. There is always shipping and handling, but who can complain about an extra charge for shipping and handling when you have such a great deal? 

Thus, I would like to honor these commercials for providing us with such good deals over the years and so many freebies (after we pay for the product of course). Clearly, this is a selfless act.

-The Anon Blogger

P.S. Quick! Get this offer while supplies last. Comment below for the small price of $0.00 with FREE Shipping and Handling, but WAIT! There’s more. If you comment below, you will get to like and +1 the post for FREE. That’s FREE! No Charge! You better take this offer while supplies last. 


Thursday, July 4, 2013

The Deadly Lesson of Piñata

When you think of a children’s party, what do you think of?

No, not balloons. No, not cake. No, not clowns. Fine stop guessing, it’s piñatas. Those small little paper figures that are hung up to a tree and filled with candy.

The goal of these Piñatas? To hit them with a stick blindfolded until their guts spill out with candy for children to fight viciously over. 

Now my question to this is what lesson is this teaching to children?

1. You should hang people and animals up to a tree using a string.

2. Hitting people and animals hung up to a tree with sticks will provide you with candy.

3. After hitting a person hung up to a tree with a stick and breaking him open, you can eat what comes out.

4. After hitting a person hung up to a tree with a stick and breaking him open so something comes out, you fight with others to see who can eat more.

5. All of this should be done at a party.

Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t think this sends the right message. Perhaps we should just give the kids the candy so they can get hyper without endangering the life of the poor tree that died in its duty to provide entertainment for children. 

Plus, throwing candy at kids is much more fun then watching them hit something with a stick. Trust me.

-The Anon Blogger

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