Thursday, January 31, 2013

The Anon Blogger Guide To Television

Hello all and welcome to The Anon Blogger’s guide to television. Here are some tips on how to watch television and maybe how to write your own show!

Luckily for you, television has become extremely cliché (and who doesn’t love cliché?), so it’s extremely easy to learn.

1. The Concept

This is the basis for the show. For now, here the types of shows that you can find everywhere:

1.     Guys and girls hanging out as friends. This includes Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, and even classics like Seinfeld. Basically, any show where at some point in almost every episode you have the main characters together in one recurring setting. This can be the coffee shop in Friends and Seinfeld, the bar in How I Met Your Mother, and Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment in the Big Bang Theory. Also, usually, the entire plot is centered around a central character’s romance. It’s amazing how suddenly these similarities become clear, right?
2.     Cop/Government agent/Lawyer/Doctor/Really any professional that doesn’t play by the rules. I don’t even need to bring examples for this one. If you haven’t seen any of these, you don’t own a television.
3.     Girl Drama: Anything on ABCFamily.
4.     Reality: Those guilty pleasures that you pretend you never like to watch, but we all know you do. These can be just watching a family or person in their fake everyday lives (You know what I’m talking about Honey Boo Boo Child). They can also be the contests, like the 1,000,000 talent contests that are on air.
5.     Others. Yes there are some original ideas out there. (See TheFineBros sitcom Mymusic for an example:

2. Drama

Now that you’ve got some concept let’s go through the magic four dramas:

1.     Dating: Two of the characters start dating. This is fun at first, but then becomes trouble to the group. After a season or two, they have a fight and break up. They either stay broken up or…
2.     Get Married: Two of your characters decide to tie the knot, but this causes trouble in the group (I sense a theme!). Others start to question their own marital status, and there is always a fight for best man/maid of honor. Always. Once they’re married, you have a bunch of fights and once that gets old it’s time for…
3.    Pregnancy: Either the married couple has decided that they need to take the next step, or someone has gotten pregnant by accident. Oh no! Will they abort? (No they will never abort or else they will lose ratings). Will they adopt? Probably not or else why get pregnant. That means babies are on their way, and with new life comes the best drama…
4.     Death. Yes the juicy stuff is here, and that is death. Kill off a favorite minor character! On no, how sad! Kill off a main character, you’ve got guts. Kill off the main character! Not a good idea, so never do that. Unless it’s the finale of course. Death is the greatest of all drama, but don’t overuse it. Bring a character in, nurture him, make the audience love him, and then kill him. Best. Show. Ever.

3. Sex

I hate to say it because after all, I am usually a PG blogger, but unfortunately, if you are watching a show without sex, you are watching Disney channel. Every show nowadays has it, so expect it to come up somehow at least once every two episodes, and in most shows, even that is low.

And those are the basics of cliché television [Insert Cheers Here]. Well I hope I have helped you learn the ways of television. With this guide, you’ll be on your way in no time.

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, January 24, 2013

Popular Sayings Debunked #1: Perfect Stranger

Recently, I’ve heard a lot of people talking about others as ‘perfect strangers,’ and I’d like to debunk this saying.

Perfect=No flaws (Nada, zero, absolutely nothing wrong with them)

Stranger=Someone you don’t know (anybody with the words free candy written on the side of their van).

Now, nobody can be a perfect stranger because as Hannah Montana taught us, nobody’s perfect. That includes pop stars, teenagers, and strangers.

I’m not sure why people suddenly have the idea that some stranger they just met can be this perfect person. For all you know, he could be a terrible person filled with flaws, making him much less than perfect (go back to the candy van scenario for an example).

Strangers are mysterious. You don’t know anything about them, so stop holding them up to perfection and treating them like a regular being.

In fact, the definition of perfect stranger should be changed to fit what he truly is. From now on, ‘perfect stranger’ shall be defined as someone who you know nothing about. This way, you acknowledge you do not know this stranger rather than assuming he is perfect.

What? Your saying this was the meaning of the saying the entire time. Ha. You are all such kidders (yes I just said kidders).

All I can say is I sure hope this definition sticks.

-The Anon Blogger

P.S. Yes, I made a Hannah Montana reference. Am I proud of it? A little.

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Thursday, January 17, 2013

Oprah and Lance Armstrong’s Magical Confession

Lance Armstrong apparently admitted recently in an interview with Oprah that he had been using drugs during his Tour De France victories. This only confirms something we've been suspecting for a long time. Oprah has super powers.

Honestly, Armstrong has been keeping this a secret for years. It’s almost as old and sacred as The International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy from Harry Potter (google it) The only way Oprah could have possibly gotten him to admit that is if she has some super interrogative powers, which must mean…Oprah is a wizard! (Or maybe a witch).

There’s only one way to find out if this is true. We must get Oprah to interview herself. Only someone with super interrogative powers like Oprah could get a wizard (or witch) like Oprah to reveal her secret. Oprah, the ball is in your court (Quidditch court that is).

However, Oprah is not the only one under suspicion. Armstrong has also made people doubt his past. By admitting he did drugs during the to Tour De France, who knows where else he’s used them. Perhaps, he’s used them in other professional races. Maybe he used them during practice. Who knows, he might have even used drugs to help fight cancer!

All of his accomplishments are brought into question, and there’s only one way to find the truth. Oprah get your wand out. It’s going to be a long day.

-The Anon Blogger

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Monday, January 14, 2013

Your Turn...

Hi All!

It's been a great year for this blog and we have grown so fast. We started out with nothing and now we have over 15,000 blog views and a bunch of subscribers over different networks.

First of all, I'd like to thank you for all the success you've brought so far to the blog and the support you have shown. Honestly, by just sharing these posts with one other person, you have helped make this blog better.

To show my thanks, I have decided to turn this blog over to you. Tell me in the comments which of my posts was your favorite and what type of posts you like. With all of your suggestions, I will be able to make more of what you like over the rest of this year.

If you want to write your own humor post for me to add to the blog. Message me on my Facebook page and I will try to post it ASAP!

Also, I think I mentioned this before, but I've been designing some blog themed T-shirts. Tell me what you would like to see there as well:

Lastly, again I want to thank you for helping make this a success. I hope it continues that way in 2013!

Happy New Year!
The Anon Blogger

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Monday, January 7, 2013

The Psychic Test: Can You Read Minds???

Psychic powers. Many scientists are split on whether these exist or not. Some claim that they can move things solely with brain power; some say they can see the future, and some claim they can read minds.

Personally, I am not sure whether these exist or not, so today I decided I’m going to put it to the test, and YOU, dear readers, are going to be the test subject.

I will present to you three letters and you will have to guess what I am thinking. Each will have a link that will lead you to another post that will tell you if you are right or wrong. It is your task to find the link that I have chosen.

“Are you going to give us a hint?” you might ask. Nope. No hints. This is a test of psychic ability not problem solving, so hints would not help. Now let’s see if you can guess which link leads to the right place?


-The Anon Psychic???

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Thursday, January 3, 2013

Mayans are Psychics: The World Has Ended

Dear readers, I must disclose to you something about myself. I have always been interested in psychic powers. I've always believed they existed somewhere, and it seems I was right.
On December 21st, 2012, the mayans predicted the world would end. Why I even wrote about it here.

Now I know what your thinking. “But how can we still be here if the world ended?” “How is there still a world around us if it was destroyed?” “Why are you so awesome Anon Blogger?”

Okay maybe you weren’t thinking that last one, but I can see your doubt. Allow me to explain. On the 21st, at 6 A.M, the world was completely destroyed from under us. One millisecond later, it was replaced by an identical world.

The time between the world’s destruction and it’s replacement was so small nobody noticed it except for me and a few others who refuse to admit it. However, I refuse to refuse. The Mayans were right. 

This means that the Mayans were either really good guessers or psychics. I am going with the second one, and I will put my theory to the test (see bonus content below).

As is for now, in addition to welcoming you to the New Year, I welcome you to the New World. I hope you enjoy it as much as the last.

-The Anon Blogger

Bonus Content: Take the psychic test to prove my theory HERE.

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