Thursday, June 27, 2013

They Say Don't Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth...Flowers Are The Exception

Flowers: they’re colorful, they’re beautiful. They’re useless. For years, the reason for giving flowers has baffled me. First, they don’t have a practical purpose. You can eat chocolate, but flowers just sit there and look pretty. Even a plunger can unclog a toilet, yet no one would think of giving it as a gift, and I don’t want to give any person I like something that’s less useful than a plunger.

Second, you have to take care of them. If you’re going to give someone something they’re going to have to take care of, at least make it a monkey (they can be trained to be butlers). When you receive flowers, you have to:

1. Find a vase, which I don’t usually have lying around, so this translates into: Buy a vase.
2. Fill that vase with water and maybe soil (more on that later).
3. Put in the flowers and make sure to check on them constantly to make sure they stay fresh.

Either do all this or let them die. Either way, it doesn’t bode well.

Lastly, Cats. Eat. Flowers. I’m sure they’re fine for their health (and by sure I mean I am too lazy to Google it), but whenever they go to eat the flowers, they just knock over the vase, flooding the table. The last thing I need is to build an ark every time flowers come my way.

Flowers are pretty, yes, but if I wanted to bring something pretty yet impractical into my house, I would just go with the monkey butler. At least he can bring me a soda.

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, June 20, 2013

Miss Utah, The Wisest Mind Of This Generation

Recently, Miss Utah was asked about woman’s salaries compared to men’s salaries and how they tend to be lower. The judges of the beauty contest wanted to know what this said about society.

She said: “I think we can relate this back to education and how we are continuing to try to strive to (pause) figure out how to create jobs right now. That is the biggest problem and I think, especially the men, are um, seen as the leaders of this and so we need to try and figure out how to create education better so we can solve this problem. Thank you.” (Source)

Many say this was a big flub, but if you look closely, this is one of the most insightful comments of our generation. Let’s analyze:

“I think we can relate this back to education”

This is a clever political move. Much like politicians, she clearly prepared an answer before talking in public. Then, she just tried to take whatever question was asked and answer it with what she prepared. She’s just as smart as a politician, and everyone knows what geniuses they are.

 “and how we are continuing to try to strive to (pause) figure out how to create jobs right now”

Here, she’s making an excellent point about the world’s effort to stimulate the job market, showing that she is clearly in tune with current events of society. Moreover, she acknowledges the slowness of this effort by saying, “to try to strive to (pause) figure out,” for the governments are not striving to fix the job market. They have not even figured out a plan, and they have not succeeded. They are just trying to strive to figure it out. 

“That is the biggest problem and I think, especially the men, are um, seen as the leaders of this”

She notes the enormity of the problem, but subtly answers the initial question by explaining that these failed efforts were led by men. Perhaps if there was equal pay, women could lead the job market back to where it needs to be. A very subtle yet clever retort.

“and so we need to try and figure out how to create education better so we can solve this problem.”

Here is perhaps the biggest example of her aptitude. Here, she makes the point that we need to improve education, but understands that this statement on its own is empty, so to emphasize the point, she makes the statement completely incomprehensible, showing how people will talk if education continues to fail them. By leaving English grammar aside, she makes her point especially powerful.

“Thank you.”

I think this part is self-explanatory.

Thus, I can understand where the irony of her answer could be lost, but hopefully, I have explained the genius of Miss Utah. Hopefully, now we can give her the respect a beauty contest contestant deserves. 

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, June 13, 2013

Shirt Traffic

Lately, I’ve been wearing shirts with sayings around the street I’ve noticed an odd trend. People (random people) stop, read the shirts and tell you what they think about them.

Now, it can be nice to get a random compliment, but there are a few things wrong with this.

1. I don’t know what they are talking about half the time. Let’s say my shirt says, “When all else fails, hope everyone else fails with you.” Someone comes up to me randomly and says, “ha I totally agree.” I know I’m wearing the shirt, but when I first hear this I’m thinking, “what are you agreeing with?”

Of course, five minutes later, I remember I’m wearing the shirt and realize what he meant.

2. Every time someone wants to read the shirt they stop. Just stop. Like in the middle of the street while everyone is walking they will just stop and read, holding up traffic. “¿por quĂ©?,” I’m thinking. (Don’t ask me why I’m thinking Spanish.) As Dory said in Finding Nemo, “just keep swimming and don’t stop randomly to read my shirt.” At least I think it was something like that. 

3. The worst part is when people stop me to read. Okay I understand, my shirt is hilarious and I am awesome, so naturally you want to read the shirt, but why must you make me stand still so that you can read it. Then again, maybe that is the price of wearing an awesome shirt (that and $17.99 plus shipping and handling).

So I’ve decided to send the following message to all those who do this. Please stop. Stop commenting out of context, stop holding up traffic, and stop stopping me to read. Do this for the good of society.

Are you also annoyed by this? Tell me in the comments below.

-The Anon Blogger

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Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The Outlet War

Just made this cartoon and thought I'd share it. I might make this a series. 

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, June 6, 2013

Fortune Cookies

Have you ever ordered Chinese food? (If your answer was no, you should really get on that). Well when you do, the restaurants send these nice little cookies with little fortunes in them. I decided I would make my own little fortune cookies. Each of the links below lead to a fortune. Some are good, some are bad, none are actually indicative of what the future holds, but then again, maybe they are??? (But probably not).

Choose your fortune below to decide your fate:

Monday, June 3, 2013

1 Year Anniversary

Last Friday, The Anon Bloggers accomplished a huge feat. We reached our one year anniversary! Last year, I could never have imagined such growth. In a year, we have almost 150 google subscribers, over 600 twitter followers, over 100 Facebook fans, and numerous other who have enjoyed these posts, leading to over 30,000 page views.

However, the numbers don't matter as much as the individuals like you. If you've been here since the beginning, joined in in the middle, or even if this is your first time reading, you have made an impact on this blog. One that I appreciate more than you can know.

I know this blog might seem insignificant. One post a week making jokes about somethings that don't really matter, but it is also a distraction. A distraction from the serious topics of the world by emphasizing on the quirks of the world. And hopefully, it has made you smile and kept you entertained.

Hopefully over the next year I will be able to accomplish just as much or even more. Again, thanks to all of you. Here's to another year!

-The Anon Blogger