Thursday, June 28, 2012

A Clever Name

There comes a time in most people's life where they must think, "What should I name my children?" and this question is hard to answer (Beth, Charlie, Spunky?). Well I do not have a solution, but I have a great idea... Have his name spelt something like "Josh," but be pronounced something like "Gary."

Imagine your child in a classroom. Attendance is being taken.
"Josh," says the teacher, "Is Josh here? Josh?"
"Actually it is pronounced Gary," says Josh.

Yes it's true, middle schoolers are cruel, and he might be picked on, but once he gets to high school and college, he will be the most popular kid in school. Every time someone reads his name or tries to write it down: instant ice-breaker.
"Ah you must be Josh"
"Actually it's pronounced Gary"
"Wow that's so cool. We should go out some time."

He will nail his job interview:
"Ah so your name is Josh?"
"Actually it's Gary"
"Really it says Josh here."
"Yeah it's some stupid thing my parents found on some blog. It's pronounced Gary."
"Wow that's interesting...You're hired."

And he can get those people at the DMV back:
"Yes sir, what's your name?"
"Sorry we have no Gary here."
"It's spelt-"
"I know how it's spelt it's not here."
"You don't understand, it's spelt-"
"I understand, there is no Gary here."
"It's spelt J-O-S-H can I please speak to you're supervisor?"
"Ah here is Josh. Normally, you'd have to go to 8 other lines, but due to the miscommunication, I'll take care of it for you."

In conclusion, Best. Child. Name. Idea. Ever.

-The Anon Blogger

Bonus Content: To play a Choose Your Own Adventure Story for this week’s bonus content, click -> this link <-

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Thursday, June 21, 2012

A Story of Glasses And The Really Long Wait It Took To Get Them

Two of the basic rules of writing a title are 1. Never reveal too much about the story and 2. Make it short. I have failed at both, but despite my horrible title, I still have a story to tell:

My eyes were growing weaker, and so naturally I went to the optometrist, otherwise known as the doctor whose name is incredibly hard to spell… Wait a second that's all of them. I think it's a law of all doctors to make their title unnecessarily long and hard to spell: Chiropractor, Physician, Pediatrician...Wait a second, what was I writing about? (Looks at really long, story revealing title) Oh yeah the glasses, and you guys called my title "horrible."

But back to the story. I went to the optomitrist optomatrist optometrist, and needed new contact lenses and glasses, so he told me to come pick them up next week. Very easy instructions. Next week, I go to pick them up, but the lenses won't fit in the glasses, so he has to send them away, and I have to wear my contacts all day and then spend the night blind until Monday.

I come in Monday and alas no glasses. Thursday, he assures me. I come in Thursday, and nada, no glasses. He'll have them next week, so I come in Wednesday. Now I know what you're thinking, it's been three weeks, he must have them, and you're not all wrong. He was closed. Who closes on Wednesdays? So I went home empty handed yet again. But finally, the next day I come in and DA DA DA DAAAAA they are there. Finally, I can see clearly yet again.

So what can you, dear reader, learn from this blog post?
1. Sometimes long, story revealing titles can come in handy.
2. Doctors have annoyingly long names.
3. Glasses lenses take a long time to make, so if you're on your way to pick yours up now, turn around, come back in two weeks, and they might be done by then, but probably not.

-The Impatient Anon Blogger

Bonus Content: To play a Choose Your Own Adventure Story for this week’s bonus content, click -> this link <-

Awesome Links:

Thursday, June 14, 2012

I Want A Monkey!!!!

In life, one has many desires, for example I really want a Segway to ride around town. However, what I desire most of all, is a monkey named "Chips."

"Why do I want a monkey?" you might ask. Well it's very obvious isn't it? Because...Monkeys are AMAZING.

First of all, monkeys are smart and have thumbs. One monkey was trained to drive, so imagine what I could teach my monkey to do: get me soda, juggle, do calculus homework. I could have my own little monkey servant. It would be so cute.

Second of all, monkeys are cute. All persons respect someone with a monkey. It's just a fact of life (I think). Imagine how cool you'll sound walking around to people asking them to pet your monkey. Okay that didn't come out right, but I just thought of a great monkey pick-up line.

Go up to someone and say, "hey, do you want to pet my monkey?"
"What?" says the person.
"His name is Chips." Monkey comes out behind your back.
BOOM. Greatest. Pick-up line. Ever.

So readers if any of you are wondering what gift to give your friends or family, I suggest a monkey (hint hint Mom)

-The Anonymous Teenager

Bonus Content: What animal would you want most as a pet? Once you think of an animal, --> go here. <-- (Click Link)

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Monday, June 11, 2012

A Big Family Welcome

Every family has a different way of welcoming people home after they have been away. Some have a party, some exchange gifts, and some just say welcome back and go on with their lives. However, no two families do it the same way, (well actually some probably do, but let’s forget about them).

I have been on many trips away from home: some were long and some were short, but my family always seems to have the same reaction despite the length of the trip. Allow me to give you the statistics:

50%: “Oh my, did they feed you in [Insert Trip Destination]? You’ve lost so much weight.” (Usually when I don’t lose any weight).
15%: “You know when I went to [Insert Trip Destination], I…[Insert Long Story Irrelevant to My Travels]”
10%: “Oh my, your [Insert Relative From The 50%] told me you lost weight! Are you sure they fed you?”
10%: “Great now that your back you can help me with something.” (While I’m falling asleep from jetlag).
9%: “Did you get me a souvenir?”
5%: “Did you go somewhere? I thought you were just hiding in your room.”
1%: “Welcome back! How was your trip? Tell me all about it!” (Usually my grandma)

So as you can see my family is very interested in my travels…well at least in my eating habits, but isn’t that what family is for?

So dear readers, I open it up to you, how does your family welcome you home?

-The Anon Blogger

Bonus Content: To see the bonus content follow this link: Wahooo!

(Want to turn your answer into a guest post? Just message the post in a word document to my Facebook page, and you could be posted on the blog).

Awesome Links (so awesome that if you click them, you will be awesome):

Bonus Content: A Review #1

I know what your thinking. A post on a Monday! This must be a mistake! But no, it is no mistake. It has come to my attention that some readers are not seeing the bonus content of the blog (Gasp!!). For those who don't know bonus contents are the interactive part of the blog, which separates from the rest of all humor blogs!! Usually, it is after the signature of each post (Super Gasp!! Well actually, that wasn't really a gasp moment, but I wanted to say gasp one more time).

For those who missed the bonus content, I am going to list them here just for you!!!! No need to thank me. I do it from the bottom of my heart (Wait what does that mean?! Wouldn't the top of the heart be better, or the middle? Well you get the picture, that discussion is for another day).

The first bonus was an introduction to the whole bonus content experience! Read it if you want to know what this content is all about.

Original Post:
Bonus Content:

Quick think of an animal you want as a pet! Got it? No don't say it out loud, I can't hear you out here. Pick an animal and get it rated on the Anon Bloggers scale below.

Original Post:
Bonus Content:

The first Choose Your Own Adventure! You decide what to do and you see where it leads. Will you succeed or fail? It's all on your back!

Original Post:
Bonus Content:

Not long after the first is the second Choose Your Own Adventure! And third and fourth! That's right there are three new Choose Your Own Adventures! Each based on the post. See if you can win them all.

Original Post:
Bonus Content:

Did you win? Check below. (So far no one has won)
Original Post:
Bonus Content:

Another Choose Your Own Adventure, but it ends with a special task for you, dear readers. Please accomplish this mission.

Original Post:
Bonus Content:

This asks for a vote. Who should get the chair? You can decide.
Original Post:

Bonus Content:

For those who have done all of the bonus contents, I am sorry to bore you with this list. To thank you, put how well you did on all of the bonus contents below and I will grade you on the SUPER ANON BLOGGER SCALE O' BONUS CONTENT. And if you want, tell me which was your favorite! Good luck and happy bonus content!

-The Anon Blogger

P.S. Well your clicking on all the links above, click some of the awesome links below. Every 'like' on Facebook increases my happiness level by 100.

P.P.S Lots of exclamation marks in this post! Can you count them all?!

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Thursday, June 7, 2012

The Blog Launches

It has happened and in such a quick amount of time. My goal was to launch the blog with 25 followers, and now combined with the blogger followers and the email subscriptions, I have reached that goal in less than a week. The question you're probably thinking, dear readers, is, “Where do we go from here?”

Well first I thought I’d go for a walk, then I thought-Oh! You were talking about the blog. Well I suppose I should describe the outline of how the blog will update, post, etc.

The blog will start by posting weekly every Thursday. Hopefully, as following increases, I will be able to start posing twice a week and start incorporating blog posts from you, dear readers, which I find humorous and blog worthy. After all, as I said above, this is a humor blog. Oh, I didn't mention that above. Well, this is a humor blog, but more than that, it is about making sure that you, dear readers have fun.

Thus, unlike any blog I know, I will be hopefully be making special interactive posts [Insert Epic Music Here]. This means I will be including polls, like below, and try to respond to all comments. However, more than just the average polls and comments interaction, I will be posting things like Choose Your Own Adventure stories where you, dear readers, will be tested to see if you can succeed. In honor of the launch, I will be posting two posts next week. One of my choice on Monday, and one of YOUR choice on Thursday [Insert Fireworks Here].

Choose wisely :)

-The Anon Blogger

P.S. Like this post on Facebook (below) in honor of the launch :)