World War III

Before you ask, no I am not talking about the war that will eventually drag Earth into destruction. I am talking about the war in my world. The participants: my cat and I.

Everyone has a place in this world they feel at home. Some say it's their room, some say it's school or work. "Where is my place?" you ask. No it's not my house. No it's not whenever I'm with my mom or dad or any family. I feel at home when I'm on my chair.

"What does this have to do with my cat and I?" you ask. Well ever since we got her, she has been sitting on my chair, making it impossible for me to sit. I've pointed at her and told her to get off, but for some reason she doesn't react. I've even asked politely with "please" and "thank you" and "you better get off that chair or else," but still no reaction as if I was speaking another language.

"Why don't I just kick her off?" you ask. Well before I answer, I'd like to request that you stop asking so many questions. Don't worry, by the time I am finished all your questions will be answered. What's that? You say that I have been putting these questions into your mouths. Ha, that's preposterous. Just read this blog post I wrote, you've already asked three questions.

But anyway, as I was saying, I cannot kick her off the chair because my mom will not give me permission, and I do not want to anger my mom, so I ask you dear readers, "What should I do?" To vote on what I should do, Go HERE <-(Click link and vote)

-The Anonymous Teenage Blogger

P.S. Mom I was just kidding about that "not feeling at home with you" comment. Please don't punish me. Love you :)

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A Man With A Plan

In life, everyone has their plans, but as many people know, planned plans don't always go as those plans were planned. For example, I was planning on having a great day on the beach one day a year ago, but apparently some woman named "Irene" decided to come, and the beach was closed (and when she left, she got everything wet. The roads were flooded).

But this is a story of a different plan, a simple plan to go to the movies...

I came home one day and was told that my cousins wanted to spend their last weekend before returning to college with my family, so we were going to go to the movies. Turns out that the movie did not start for like three hours, so that plan was out. What to do? Well we decided to go for ices. Not a bad plan, I mean who doesn't like ices?...Well I guess snowmen would not like ices, unless they are cannibal snowmen, in which ices would probably be a delicacy, but other than non-cannibal snowmen, who doesn't like ices? Nobody, that's who.

So we went out, had our ices, spoke, laughed, sung, danced, and other associated family verbs, until it was time to go home. So when we got close to home, another plan arose, while my parents parked the car, I would go in and relax. A nice plan if I do say so myself, but it turns out, my mom had my keys. I sat outside the door for like forever (which translates to about five minutes in real time), staring at the wall. Finally, I was rescued, and the door was opened.

I went into my home with a plan to write about this on my blog, but as I said planned plans don't always go as those plans were planned.

So here I am, a year later, stretching an insignificant story where my family went out for ices into one of my longest blog posts ever. Was I successful? Who knows, but that's the plan.

-The Planning Anon Blogger

P.S. I was just kidding about nobody liking ices. It's okay if you don't like it. It just means you’re not "cool." Get it? Because ices are cold, which means cool and I used the word cool meaning popular...Oh I'm so "punny" (and "cool"). Also, if you didn’t get the first joke above, Irene was a hurricane. Don't you love when people explain their jokes?

Bonus Content: To do a Choose Your Own Adventure for this bonus and get a special task, click -> THIS LINK <-

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I Won, I Won!!!

When you visit certain sites over and over again, you will find that many of them have changed. They've been updated, stuff has been taken down or put up, but one thing seems to remain constant: you are still the 1,000,000th visitor.

I have won a free i-pod, i-pad, and i-phone from so many sites for being their 1,000,000th visitor that "I" think "I" must be rich ("I" know those puns really hurt me too). Let's face it: it is impossible to have that many 1,000,000th visitors...Unless...OMG that explains everything. Clearly, the creators of these ads have managed to create some type of time loop in which every time a 1,000,000th viewer comes to the site and leaves, time reverses itself to before that visitor arrived, but because the time loop is self contained, the visitor still retains the memory of winning. Either that or their just using a clever ploy to get people to come to their site and give them their information, but really which one seems more probable?

Either way, I'm glad to see that in this ever changing world one thing remains the same: advertisements.

-The Anon Blogger

Bonus Content: To see if you won in this weeks bonus content, click -> THIS LINK <-

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A Story of Glasses And The Really Long Wait It Took To Get Them

Two of the basic rules of writing a title are 1. Never reveal too much about the story and 2. Make it short. I have failed at both, but despite my horrible title, I still have a story to tell:

My eyes were growing weaker, and so naturally I went to the optometrist, otherwise known as the doctor whose name is incredibly hard to spell… Wait a second that's all of them. I think it's a law of all doctors to make their title unnecessarily long and hard to spell: Chiropractor, Physician, Pediatrician...Wait a second, what was I writing about? (Looks at really long, story revealing title) Oh yeah the glasses, and you guys called my title "horrible."

But back to the story. I went to the optomitrist optomatrist optometrist, and needed new contact lenses and glasses, so he told me to come pick them up next week. Very easy instructions. Next week, I go to pick them up, but the lenses won't fit in the glasses, so he has to send them away, and I have to wear my contacts all day and then spend the night blind until Monday.

I come in Monday and alas no glasses. Thursday, he assures me. I come in Thursday, and nada, no glasses. He'll have them next week, so I come in Wednesday. Now I know what you're thinking, it's been three weeks, he must have them, and you're not all wrong. He was closed. Who closes on Wednesdays? So I went home empty handed yet again. But finally, the next day I come in and DA DA DA DAAAAA they are there. Finally, I can see clearly yet again.

So what can you, dear reader, learn from this blog post?

1. Sometimes long, story revealing titles can come in handy.

2. Doctors have annoyingly long names.

3. Glasses lenses take a long time to make, so if you're on your way to pick yours up now, turn around, come back in two weeks, and they might be done by then, but probably not.

-The Impatient Anon Blogger

Bonus Content: To play a Choose Your Own Adventure Story for this week’s bonus content, click -> this link <-

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I Want A Monkey!!!!

In life, one has many desires, for example I really want a Segway to ride around town. However, what I desire most of all, is a monkey named "Chips."

"Why do I want a monkey?" you might ask. Well it's very obvious isn't it? Because...Monkeys are AMAZING.

First of all, monkeys are smart and have thumbs. One monkey was trained to drive, so imagine what I could teach my monkey to do: get me soda, juggle, do calculus homework. I could have my own little monkey servant. It would be so cute.

Second of all, monkeys are cute. All persons respect someone with a monkey. It's just a fact of life (I think). Imagine how cool you'll sound walking around to people asking them to pet your monkey. Okay that didn't come out right, but I just thought of a great monkey pick-up line.

Go up to someone and say, "hey, do you want to pet my monkey?"

"What?" says the person.

"His name is Chips." Monkey comes out behind your back.

BOOM. Greatest. Pick-up line. Ever.

So readers if any of you are wondering what gift to give your friends or family, I suggest a monkey (hint hint Mom)

-The Anonymous Teenager

Bonus Content: What animal would you want most as a pet? Once you think of an animal, --> go here. <-- (Click Link)

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A Big Family Welcome

Every family has a different way of welcoming people home after they have been away. Some have a party, some exchange gifts, and some just say welcome back and go on with their lives. However, no two families do it the same way, (well actually some probably do, but let’s forget about them).

I have been on many trips away from home: some were long and some were short, but my family always seems to have the same reaction despite the length of the trip. Allow me to give you the statistics:

50%: “Oh my, did they feed you in [Insert Trip Destination]? You’ve lost so much weight.” (Usually when I don’t lose any weight).

15%: “You know when I went to [Insert Trip Destination], I…[Insert Long Story Irrelevant to My Travels]”

10%: “Oh my, your [Insert Relative From The 50%] told me you lost weight! Are you sure they fed you?”

10%: “Great now that your back you can help me with something.” (While I’m falling asleep from jetlag).

9%: “Did you get me a souvenir?”

5%: “Did you go somewhere? I thought you were just hiding in your room.”

1%: “Welcome back! How was your trip? Tell me all about it!” (Usually my grandma)

So as you can see my family is very interested in my travels…well at least in my eating habits, but isn’t that what family is for?

So dear readers, I open it up to you, how does your family welcome you home?

-The Anon Blogger

Bonus Content: To see the bonus content follow this link: Wahooo!

(Want to turn your answer into a guest post? Just message the post in a word document to my Facebook page, and you could be posted on the blog).

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Bonus Content: A Review #1

I know what your thinking. A post on a Monday! This must be a mistake! But no, it is no mistake. It has come to my attention that some readers are not seeing the bonus content of the blog (Gasp!!). For those who don't know bonus contents are the interactive part of the blog, which separates from the rest of all humor blogs!! Usually, it is after the signature of each post (Super Gasp!! Well actually, that wasn't really a gasp moment, but I wanted to say gasp one more time).

For those who missed the bonus content, I am going to list them here just for you!!!! No need to thank me. I do it from the bottom of my heart (Wait what does that mean?! Wouldn't the top of the heart be better, or the middle? Well you get the picture, that discussion is for another day).

The first bonus was an introduction to the whole bonus content experience! Read it if you want to know what this content is all about.

Original Post:

A Big Family Welcome

Bonus Content:

An Introduction

Quick think of an animal you want as a pet! Got it? No don't say it out loud, I can't hear you out here. Pick an animal and get it rated on the Anon Bloggers scale below.

Original Post:

I Want A Monkey

Bonus Content:

I Want A Monkey Bonus Content

The first Choose Your Own Adventure! You decide what to do and you see where it leads. Will you succeed or fail? It's all on your back!

Original Post:

A Story of Glasses And The Really Long Wait It Took To Get Them

Bonus Content:

A Story of Glasses And The Really Long Wait It Took To Get Them Bonus Content

A Clever Name Bonus Content

Not long after the first is the second Choose Your Own Adventure! And third and fourth! That's right there are three new Choose Your Own Adventures! Each based on the post. See if you can win them all.

Original Post:

A Clever Name

Bonus Content:

A Clever Name Bonus Content

Did you win? Check below. (So far no one has won)

Original Post:

I Won!!! I Won!!!

Bonus Content:

I Won!!! I Won!!! Bonus Content

Another Choose Your Own Adventure, but it ends with a special task for you, dear readers. Please accomplish this mission.

Original Post:

A Man With A Plan

Bonus Content:

A Man With A Plan Bonus Content

This asks for a vote. Who should get the chair? You can decide.

Original Post:

World War III

Bonus Content:

World War III Bonus Content

For those who have done all of the bonus contents, I am sorry to bore you with this list. To thank you, put how well you did on all of the bonus contents below and I will grade you on the SUPER ANON BLOGGER SCALE O' BONUS CONTENT. And if you want, tell me which was your favorite! Good luck and happy bonus content!

-The Anon Blogger

P.S. Well your clicking on all the links above, click some of the awesome links below. Every 'like' on Facebook increases my happiness level by 100.

P.P.S Lots of exclamation marks in this post! Can you count them all?!

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The Blog Launches

It has happened and in such a quick amount of time. My goal was to launch the blog with 25 followers, and now combined with the blogger followers and the email subscriptions, I have reached that goal in less than a week. The question you're probably thinking, dear readers, is, “Where do we go from here?”

Well first I thought I’d go for a walk, then I thought-Oh! You were talking about the blog. Well I suppose I should describe the outline of how the blog will update, post, etc.

The blog will start by posting weekly every Thursday. Hopefully, as following increases, I will be able to start posing twice a week and start incorporating blog posts from you, dear readers, which I find humorous and blog worthy. After all, as I said above, this is a humor blog. Oh, I didn't mention that above. Well, this is a humor blog, but more than that, it is about making sure that you, dear readers have fun.

Thus, unlike any blog I know, I will be hopefully be making special interactive posts [Insert Epic Music Here]. This means I will be including polls, like below, and try to respond to all comments. However, more than just the average polls and comments interaction, I will be posting things like Choose Your Own Adventure stories where you, dear readers, will be tested to see if you can succeed. In honor of the launch, I will be posting two posts next week. One of my choice on Monday, and one of YOUR choice on Thursday [Insert Fireworks Here].

Choose wisely :)

-The Anon Blogger

P.S. Like this post on Facebook (below) in honor of the launch :)

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