Why The ‘Happy Birthday?’

That mustache adds so much.

Birthdays have many strange traditions that seem to come out of nowhere. For example, why do we eat cake? Why do we make a wish when we blow out the candles? Why do we speak Portuguese before cooking out the ceremonial birthday shwarma?...What? Wait none of you speak Portuguese before cooking the ceremonial birthday shwarma? Well you are missing out, my friends, but I digress.

All of these traditions I can accept, but why is it we wait until the birthday of someone to say, “Happy Birthday”

‘Happy Birthday’ can have two meanings:

1.   Command: I COMMAND YOU TO HAVE A GOOD BIRTHDAY!

2. Desire: I sure hope you have a happy birthday!

Either way, why do we say it on the birthday and not the day before, the week before, or even decades before?

It makes no sense to say “Happy Birthday” on the birthday because then you are only wishing/commanding them to have part of the day happy. Why not wish the entire day that way?

In fact, I think when the person is born, everyone should just say, “I wish/command all of your birthdays are happy!” Not only would this make more sense, but it would take you off the hook for having to say “Happy Birthday” every year.

Birthday person: Aunt Sally, why didn’t you say “Happy Birthday?”

You: I’m not you’re Aunt Sally, and I already wished you a “Happy Birthday” when you were born.

Birthday person: Oh! Well in that case I think you are the best Aunt Sally anyone could ever have. I love you the most especially compared to those who only wished me “Happy Birthday” for only part of the day.

I’m pretty sure that’s how the dialogue would go.

So, dear reader, I hope you have listen to this message and will never say “Happy Birthday” on a person’s real birthday ever again.

Comment questions: What do you think of birthdays? When is your birthday? Do you speak Portuguese before cooking the ceremonial birthday shwarma? What about after cooking the ceremonial birthday shwarma?

-The Anon Blogger

P.S. Happy future birthdays to everyone! Enjoy the shwarma!

Featured: The week’s featured person is blogger, Andi-Roo. This person has supported me from the beginning and this is me saying thanks. Make sure to go check her out at here blog here: http://www.theworld4realz.com/

If you want to be featured in a future post, leave a comment below.

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A Clever Lesson

Have you ever really wanted to attain a great weapon? Have you ever wanted to have a supreme power? Well after reading this you will have attained a great power...The Power to Embarrass...Well not really, but hopefully it will give you something to make your friends go crazy.

First, get a group of people you want to use and tell them you are going to have a race to finish the list of tasks on a page you will give them. The winner will win a prize and be declared the best reader (prizes of course vary on your group of friends, some may use a chocolate bar, some may use a car, others may use a chocolate car).

Here is the list of tasks:

1. Read all of the directions before continuing

2. Announce "I shall begin" very loudly

3. Stand on top of your seat

4. Scream "look out below" and jump down

5. Spin ten times

6. Sit down

7. Switch seats with the person next to you

8. Say the alphabet backwards

9. Say "Good morning, my name is Skippy" to three people

10. Freeze and stand completely still for ten seconds

11. Do ten jumping jacks

12. Countdown from sixty and end the countdown by screaming "blast off"

13. Do ten push ups

14. Dance for 15 seconds

15. Shake hands with the person who gave you this sheet and tell him "I have won"

16. Now that you have read all the directions ignore all of the above

Of course, you can change any of the tasks above except the first and last. When they reach the last sentence, most will be completely duped.

With this list you can embarrass any group of people. So remember, use it for good and not evil. Just kidding, feel free to use it for evil. Just not too much evil!

-The Anon Blogger

Featured: Sorry but I didn't have time to find a featured person this week! Instead I'll give you a link to perhaps one of the funniest Harry Potter parodies on the web, A Very Potter Musical. Enjoy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmwM_AKeMCk

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Timmy The Spider #3: The Quest Goes On

Timmy The Spider returns in his quest to stop the racism (or I guess specism?) against spiders...

To see the other Timmy The Spider comics click the links below:

Timmy The Spider #1

Timmy The Spider #2

Timmy The Spider #3

Timmy The Spider #4

Timmy The Spider #5

Timmy The Spider #6
Timmy The Spider #7

-The Anon Blogger

Featured: This week's featured person is a actually a group of two Youtubers, TheFineBros. They are probably not going to see this, but they deserve the feature for being some of the best and most authentic Youtubers out there. The Fine Brother's are most popular for their great React and Spoiler series, but right now they are also producing the MyMusic comedy show on Youtube. This is a crucial time to help them get another season, so if you can help them out by subscribing and watching their videos, here is their link: http://www.youtube.com/user/MyMusicShow.

Also, here's the link to their FineBros channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/TheFineBros (They just did a hilarious Elder's react to Twilight!)

(FineBros, if somehow you do see this make sure to comment below and share!)

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An English Rebellion: Big Words

For many years, the English language has been filled with confusing words and sentences. It is ridden with words with thousands of meanings and meanings with thousands of words. In these segments, I aim at rooting out the issues with language and start: An English Rebellion

I have nothing against big words themselves. However, the problem is that many words nowadays that are big are just fancier words for a smaller, simple word.

I’m sure you can think of thousands of useless words that have simple alternatives, but let’s use a word that some people use, like the word ‘luminous.’ In my dictionary, the definition of the word ‘luminous’ is bright, which is what most people use it to mean, so I ask you, dear readers, why does the word exist? Why not just have the word ‘bright?’

Doesn’t seem that “bright” does it? (See what I did there?)

Perhaps, you might see this and suddenly realize the thousands of other common words that are replaced with bigger fancier sounding alternatives. Perhaps, you will so moved by this, that you will move to rebellion and that is what I am asking you to do.

Last time, I asked you to rebel against silent letters, and now I am asking you to rebel against the unnecessary big words. From now on, every word will have it’s own meaning, which it shares with no other word big or small. Everyone will know what every word means without any ambiguity. No longer will conversations end by looking in a dictionary.

In a world like this, everyone will be able to understand each other without any confusion. Now let’s make that world a reality.

-The Anon Rebel

Sign up to join the English Rebellion here: http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/an-english-rebellion/

Featured: This week's featured person is a blogger! Anthony Wessel recently reblogged my "Procrastination: The Secret To Success" post, so I thought I return the favor by featuring him. He writes about books and helps a lot of upcoming authors to get publicity. Here is his link so go check him out: http://digitalbooktoday.com/2012/10/25/procrastination-the-secret-to-success/

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Happy Cartoon Time

Welcome! Many of you have been saying how much you enjoy each week's cartoons and that I should make a post of just cartoons, so I decided to listen to the people and do just that. Here they are, I hope you enjoy them because they took me a lot of time to make!

So there you go, the long awaited cartoon post! Tell me what you thought below and whether I should make this a regular segment. 

Also, tell me which was your favorite!

-The Anon Cartoonist

Featured: This weeks featured blogger is another Youtuber and good friend of a group who was already featured on the blog: TheFu. It's Lana McKissack! Also famous from Internet Icon, she currently makes hilarious Youtube video every week! Make sure to check out her Youtube Channel here: http://www.youtube.com/user/lanamckissack

Also, Lana if your reading this, comment below to tell me what you think and please share!

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