The Anon Bloggers

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Blenders have the power to unlock new possibilities for all. They can puree and smoothee, but they also can be incredibly dangerous (Dun Dun DUUUUUUN). Let me give you a warning of how not to handle a blender through a story my brother and I definitely did not accidently cause via stupidity.

1. Make sure you know how to blend before you attempt. If you don’t, the blade will keep turning and nothing will happen. Wait scratch that, something will happen. Your blender will start smoking. (I kept telling it smoking was bad for its health, but I guess it was addicted). All I know is…

2. If your blender starts smoking, you might want to stop using it. Otherwise, the motor might explode, filling your house with more smoke, leading you to flee the house and walk around the block until the smell and fumes left. However…

3. You should not put the smoking blender in front of the fan you’ve been using to fight the summer heat. I know what you’re thinking, it will blow away the smoke, and you are right but apparently, the smoke just blows away from the fan, into the house. Again, not saying I did this myself, but I suggest against it. And lastly…

4. Don’t do this in your parent’s house. They will not be happy. If you do do this, just hide it from them. Make sure not to give any indication that’s something is wrong: nervousness, lack of eye contact, a blog post on your blog that they claim to read. None of that.

Follow all these steps and I’m sure this won’t happen to me I mean you ever again. Now go out and blend in!

-The Anon Blogger

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http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl0/0/10/08_2008/Miley.jpg

Monday, August 26, 2013

The 2013 VMA’s: Miley Cyrus Cannot Stop

Yesterday, the VMA’s happened and I have to say, I’m speechless. Luckily this is written and I don’t have writer’s block. There were really only two things that stood out. Miley Cyrus goes crazy and NSYNC returns (cue the squeals from girls in there 20s everywhere…Okay, and guys), but let’s stick to Miley. The truth is, there’s no way I could give it justice in words, so I went to the internet to find some pictures to describe the night.

WARNING: MIGHT NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN

First you have the red carpet. Looking back, this should have been a sign for what’s to come. I mean here is Miley years ago:

And here is her now:

http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1436670.1377524436!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/gallery_635/miley-cyrus-dolce-gabbana.jpg

But that was only the beginning. There was also a performance. Naturally, she had the standard stoned bears dancing across the stage:

http://www.chicagonow.com/so-you-have-a-girlfriend/files/2013/08/miley-cyrus-2013-vma-stoner-bears-1024x560.jpg

And of course there was some mandatory Miley Cyrus twerking with a giant (also a side note both twerking and Miley are not accepted by Word):

http://www.chicagonow.com/so-you-have-a-girlfriend/files/2013/08/miley-cyrus-2013-vma-large-women-1024x560.jpg

And lastly, there was the moment when everyone in the world collectively burned their foam fingers. Now that is too inappropriate for even me to post, so I’ll just give you Will Smith’s family’s reaction. It really captures the night:

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr03/2013/8/25/23/enhanced-buzz-847-1377486562-4.jpg

It's actually a reaction to Lady Gaga, but I think it captures Miley's moment just as well.

Did you enjoy the performance? Did it 'twerk'? (see what I did there ;) ;) ) Tell me in the comments below.

-The Anon Blogger

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Monday, August 19, 2013

The Newest Coolest Name

Every person dreams of putting his mark on the world. Leaving something that people will use for all of eternity…or at least until humans cease to exists. How did this get to such a dark place?

Anyway, I’ve decided that I want to leave my mark with a name. A name that people will use for generations. The loftiest of kings will speak this name and the poorest of peasants. The name: Fusduece.

Yes, Fusduece. For years I have used this name for RPGs and now I release it to the world. Use it as you will. Name your kids Fusduce, your dog, your plant, anything; just let it spread to the world at fly free through the mouths of the nations.

Imagine walking into work or class and have the boss/teacher call out your name Fusduece. Think of how the people will fawn at the superiority and originality of your name. Fusduece is the path to success and love.

Imagine how the men/ladies will react to you when they hear your name is Fusduece. Their eyes will light up with fascination and their hearts will beat with the deep feeling of love.

Fusduece is the name of the century, no, the millennium, no, the eternity. So remember it, dear readers, for Fusduece is the name for the present and the future. Use it, and be the first pioneers of the age of Fusduece.

-The Anon Blogger

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Thursday, July 25, 2013

Everybody’s Talking About The Royal Baby

The world is in turmoil. The economy’s of the world have crashed, the Middle East is exploding with revolutions, but most importantly, the royal baby has been born.

Yes, many of you might have noticed that the newsfeeds of the world have been cluttered with baby coverage. The entire universe is waiting with baited breath for the next story of the baby, naturally, because this story is the most impactful on our daily lives.

The first item on the docket for the baby was what to name him. They were deciding between George, Alexander, and Louis, but in true political fashion, they decided on the name, George Alexander Louis. His initials are GAL (I wonder what gender they were hoping for?).

Most importantly, this baby is third in line for kingship. That means if two people die, Barney might be the first dinosaur to ever be knighted. Ms. Frizzle would likely be elected head of education, and the Teletubbies could become the British ambassadors to Mars. Moreover, British alliances would be determined by whichever country had the best toys and most stylish Sippy cups.

Although if he is going to come in to power, I really hope it is not during his teenage years. Pikachu becoming the national mascot of England would be fun when he’s a kid, but I could not deal with Sir Justin Bieber or Sirs One Direction when he becomes post-pubescent. We have enough of that without making it official. (Although come to think of it, if he were to make them fight to the death, it would be pretty interesting (JK, relax teenage females of the world)).

All I really have to say is stop with the baby talk. It’s an interesting story, but we don’t needed to have 24/7 coverage of every time the baby moves. No need to turn him into a reality star before he’s even taken his first steps.

-The Anon Blogger

Comment Question: What do you think? Should the baby be getting this much publicity or is it time we shut the curtains? Tell me in the comments below.

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