To see the other Timmy The Spider comics click the links below:
Timmy The Spider #6Timmy The Spider #7
-The Anon Blogger
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Monday, August 25, 2014
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Monday, August 18, 2014
10 Sketchy Verified Twitter Accounts
If you’ve ever been on Twitter, you might have noticed these little things called “Verified Twitter Accounts.” According to the website, these are accounts that have “establish[ed] authenticity of identities of key individuals and brands on Twitter.” In other words, if you are who you say you are, you can be verified by @verified. Here are a few accounts that are a little sketchy:
1. Michael Jackson @michaeljackson
Apparently his Thriller music video was based on a true story. Someone be on the look out for a Michael Jackson zombie walking around.
2. Captain America @CaptainAmerica
Captain America just came out of the 1940s. I’m not even sure he could work a cellphone let alone a twitter account. I think @Iron_Man has been hacking.
3. Angry Birds @AngryBirds
Please, everyone knows that birds can’t tweet.
4. Spongebob @Spongebob
Oh so my IPhone gets a drop of water on it and it explodes, but Spongebob can use his in a pineapple under the sea and it works fine. I’m not buying it.
5. Buzz Aldrin @TheRealBuzz
Everyone knows he faked the moon landing, so who knows if he’s faking this.
6. Yahoo Maps @yahoomaps
This one is actually extremely odd. 85 followers, not following anyone, and never tweeted a thing. I guess Yahoo maps learned from Apple and gave up before it even began.
7. Elvis Presley @ElvisPresley
Not sure why he’s on this list…although it is surprising that he would tweet while he’s so deep undercover.
8. Curiosity Rover @MarsCuriosity
This one is just as probable as Spongebob. If I can’t get reception when I go through a tunnel, do you really expect me to believe this little guy gets reception on Mars? If so, I’m switching to the NASA network.
9. Myspace @Myspace
Please, we all know this doesn’t exist anymore. Zuckerberg’s just playing with us.
10. Verified Accounts @verified
You have 4 tweets (as of this posting) and yet you have over 1,000,000 followers. Do you really expect me to believe this is legit?
Have any other sketchy verified accounts? Post them in the comments below!
Featured Person: Today I feature a fairly unknown Youtuber (as of now): Nerdwithavoice. Outside of an awesome username, this Youtuber posts some great music and some awesomely awkward and cute vlogs. Check her out and tell her I sent you: http://www.youtube.com/user/nerdwithavoice
-The Anon Blogger
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Thursday, January 23, 2014
Monday, December 23, 2013
The Comeback Series
Over the years, I have noticed many sayings and questions that get repeated toward me. Thus, I have developed some clever responses. He are a few:
Do you have change for a dollar?
-I wouldn’t change for any amount of money.
Do you have the time?
-Yes.
Did your mom drop you as a baby?
-No silly, when my mom was a baby, I wasn’t born.
Dude you have no sense of humor!
-Yeah, it heightens my other senses.
Have you lost your mind?
-(Touch head to check) Nope!
That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
-Really? The stupidest thing I’ve ever heard is “blagalongoloo.”
Ugh, don’t you have any patience?
-No, why would I, I’m no doctor.
How do you get to [Insert location here]?
-You walk or drive, I suppose.
Times flies when your having fun.
-That’s odd, a frog once told me times fun when your having flies.
You need to get some common sense!
-Do you have change for a dollar?
Which is your favorite? What responses would add? Tell me in the comments below.
-The Anon Blogger
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Monday, November 4, 2013
The Anon Blogger Quiz
How well do you know the Anon Blogger? See if you can answer these question to find out:
1. Where does my cat like to sit?
A) My Head
B) My Chair
C) The Couch
2. What creepy or cute thing did my teacher send me?
A) ;) ;) ;)
B) I Am In Love With You
C) I’ll See you tonight ;) ;)
3. What was I proud of at the DMV?
A) Getting my permit
B) Getting my license
C) Making a perfect checkmark
4. When was my first blog post posted?
A) 1/3/12
B) 4/14/11
C) 5/31/12
5. What names did I use in “A Clever Name?”
A) Josh And Harry
B) Harry and Gary
C) Josh And Gary
6. What is the name of my recurring comic character?
A) Timmy The Spider
B) Jimmy The Porcupine
C) Kimmy The JellyFish
7. If you are in a race, and you pass the person in 2nd place, what place are you in?
A) 1st
B) 2nd
C) 3rd
8. What’s my name?
A) El Muerto
B) Don
C) No One Knows
9. What is my opinion of 3D?
1) Positive
2) Neutral
3) Very Bad
10. What two things do I want more than anything else?
A) Monkey and Segway
B) An Autograph From The Royal Baby
C) One Million Dollars
Check your answers below…
Answers:
1. On my chair.
2. ;) ;) ;)
3. The perfect check mark.
4. 5/31/12
5. Josh and Gary
6. Timmy The Spider
7. 2nd
8. We don’t know.
9. Very Bad
10. Monkey and Segway
Did you get all of them right? If yes, congrats! If not, you’ve got some blog reading to do.
-The Anon Blogger
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Sunday, October 6, 2013
Life Lessons: Blenders
Blenders have the power to unlock new possibilities for all.
They can puree and smoothee, but they also can be incredibly dangerous (Dun Dun
DUUUUUUN). Let me give you a warning of how not to handle a blender through a
story my brother and I definitely did not accidently cause via stupidity.
1. Make sure you know how to blend before you attempt. If
you don’t, the blade will keep turning and nothing will happen. Wait scratch
that, something will happen. Your blender will start smoking. (I kept telling
it smoking was bad for its health, but I guess it was addicted). All I know is…
2. If your blender starts smoking, you might want to stop
using it. Otherwise, the motor might explode, filling your house with more
smoke, leading you to flee the house and walk around the block until the smell
and fumes left. However…
3. You should not put the smoking blender in front of the
fan you’ve been using to fight the summer heat. I know what you’re thinking, it
will blow away the smoke, and you are right but apparently, the smoke just
blows away from the fan, into the house. Again, not saying I did this myself,
but I suggest against it. And lastly…
4. Don’t do this in your parent’s house. They will not be
happy. If you do do this, just hide it from them. Make sure not to give any
indication that’s something is wrong: nervousness, lack of eye contact, a blog
post on your blog that they claim to read. None of that.
Follow all these steps and I’m sure this won’t happen to me
I mean you ever again. Now go out and blend in!
-The Anon Blogger
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Monday, August 26, 2013
The 2013 VMA’s: Miley Cyrus Cannot Stop
Yesterday, the VMA’s happened and I have to say, I’m speechless. Luckily this is written and I don’t have writer’s block. There were really only two things that stood out. Miley Cyrus goes crazy and NSYNC returns (cue the squeals from girls in there 20s everywhere…Okay, and guys), but let’s stick to Miley. The truth is, there’s no way I could give it justice in words, so I went to the internet to find some pictures to describe the night.
WARNING: MIGHT NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN
First you have the red carpet. Looking back, this should have been a sign for what’s to come. I mean here is Miley years ago:
And here is her now:
But that was only the beginning. There was also a performance. Naturally, she had the standard stoned bears dancing across the stage:
And of course there was some mandatory Miley Cyrus twerking with a giant (also a side note both twerking and Miley are not accepted by Word):
And lastly, there was the moment when everyone in the world collectively burned their foam fingers. Now that is too inappropriate for even me to post, so I’ll just give you Will Smith’s family’s reaction. It really captures the night:
It's actually a reaction to Lady Gaga, but I think it captures Miley's moment just as well.
Did you enjoy the performance? Did it 'twerk'? (see what I did there ;) ;) ) Tell me in the comments below.
-The Anon Blogger
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Monday, August 19, 2013
The Newest Coolest Name
Every person dreams of putting his mark on the world. Leaving something that people will use for all of eternity…or at least until humans cease to exists. How did this get to such a dark place?
Anyway, I’ve decided that I want to leave my mark with a name. A name that people will use for generations. The loftiest of kings will speak this name and the poorest of peasants. The name: Fusduece.
Yes, Fusduece. For years I have used this name for RPGs and now I release it to the world. Use it as you will. Name your kids Fusduce, your dog, your plant, anything; just let it spread to the world at fly free through the mouths of the nations.
Imagine walking into work or class and have the boss/teacher call out your name Fusduece. Think of how the people will fawn at the superiority and originality of your name. Fusduece is the path to success and love.
Imagine how the men/ladies will react to you when they hear your name is Fusduece. Their eyes will light up with fascination and their hearts will beat with the deep feeling of love.
Fusduece is the name of the century, no, the millennium, no, the eternity. So remember it, dear readers, for Fusduece is the name for the present and the future. Use it, and be the first pioneers of the age of Fusduece.
-The Anon Blogger
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Thursday, July 25, 2013
Everybody’s Talking About The Royal Baby
The world is in turmoil. The economy’s of the world have crashed, the Middle East is exploding with revolutions, but most importantly, the royal baby has been born.
Yes, many of you might have noticed that the newsfeeds of the world have been cluttered with baby coverage. The entire universe is waiting with baited breath for the next story of the baby, naturally, because this story is the most impactful on our daily lives.
The first item on the docket for the baby was what to name him. They were deciding between George, Alexander, and Louis, but in true political fashion, they decided on the name, George Alexander Louis. His initials are GAL (I wonder what gender they were hoping for?).
Most importantly, this baby is third in line for kingship. That means if two people die, Barney might be the first dinosaur to ever be knighted. Ms. Frizzle would likely be elected head of education, and the Teletubbies could become the British ambassadors to Mars. Moreover, British alliances would be determined by whichever country had the best toys and most stylish Sippy cups.
Although if he is going to come in to power, I really hope it is not during his teenage years. Pikachu becoming the national mascot of England would be fun when he’s a kid, but I could not deal with Sir Justin Bieber or Sirs One Direction when he becomes post-pubescent. We have enough of that without making it official. (Although come to think of it, if he were to make them fight to the death, it would be pretty interesting (JK, relax teenage females of the world)).
All I really have to say is stop with the baby talk. It’s an interesting story, but we don’t needed to have 24/7 coverage of every time the baby moves. No need to turn him into a reality star before he’s even taken his first steps.
-The Anon Blogger
Comment Question: What do you think? Should the baby be getting this much publicity or is it time we shut the curtains? Tell me in the comments below.
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Thursday, July 11, 2013
And We’ll Throw In A Blog Post Free of Charge
Nowadays, when people think of commercials, their heads turn to something like the Superbowl, where the most awesomest (I don’t care if it’s not a word, I’m using it) commercials are shown. However, I’d like to discuss the commercials that sell the new products on the market, like the Snuggie commercials.
One of the key features of these commercials is that they are always a good deal. Always. No matter the product, price, or quality, the commercial always says, “You can get it for only $X that’s $Y less than the retail price.” You really have to appreciate these commercials for looking out for our wallets by always guaranteeing us a good price.
Then, many of them take the next step and offer something for free. Perhaps they throw in something completely irrelevant to the product, or perhaps they offer two of the products for the price of one. Either way, rather than scamming us, they offering us a good deal with a freebie, and all we have to do is a few easy payments of $19.95!
Well actually this is not true. There is always shipping and handling, but who can complain about an extra charge for shipping and handling when you have such a great deal?
Thus, I would like to honor these commercials for providing us with such good deals over the years and so many freebies (after we pay for the product of course). Clearly, this is a selfless act.
-The Anon Blogger
P.S. Quick! Get this offer while supplies last. Comment below for the small price of $0.00 with FREE Shipping and Handling, but WAIT! There’s more. If you comment below, you will get to like and +1 the post for FREE. That’s FREE! No Charge! You better take this offer while supplies last.
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Thursday, July 4, 2013
The Deadly Lesson of Piñata
When you think of a children’s party, what do you think of?
No, not balloons. No, not cake. No, not clowns. Fine stop guessing, it’s piñatas. Those small little paper figures that are hung up to a tree and filled with candy.
The goal of these Piñatas? To hit them with a stick blindfolded until their guts spill out with candy for children to fight viciously over.
Now my question to this is what lesson is this teaching to children?
1. You should hang people and animals up to a tree using a string.
2. Hitting people and animals hung up to a tree with sticks will provide you with candy.
3. After hitting a person hung up to a tree with a stick and breaking him open, you can eat what comes out.
4. After hitting a person hung up to a tree with a stick and breaking him open so something comes out, you fight with others to see who can eat more.
5. All of this should be done at a party.
Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t think this sends the right message. Perhaps we should just give the kids the candy so they can get hyper without endangering the life of the poor tree that died in its duty to provide entertainment for children.
Plus, throwing candy at kids is much more fun then watching them hit something with a stick. Trust me.
-The Anon Blogger
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Thursday, June 27, 2013
They Say Don't Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth...Flowers Are The Exception
Flowers: they’re colorful, they’re beautiful. They’re useless. For years, the reason for giving flowers has baffled me. First, they don’t have a practical purpose. You can eat chocolate, but flowers just sit there and look pretty. Even a plunger can unclog a toilet, yet no one would think of giving it as a gift, and I don’t want to give any person I like something that’s less useful than a plunger.
Second, you have to take care of them. If you’re going to give someone something they’re going to have to take care of, at least make it a monkey (they can be trained to be butlers). When you receive flowers, you have to:
1. Find a vase, which I don’t usually have lying around, so this translates into: Buy a vase.
2. Fill that vase with water and maybe soil (more on that later).
3. Put in the flowers and make sure to check on them constantly to make sure they stay fresh.
Either do all this or let them die. Either way, it doesn’t bode well.
Lastly, Cats. Eat. Flowers. I’m sure they’re fine for their health (and by sure I mean I am too lazy to Google it), but whenever they go to eat the flowers, they just knock over the vase, flooding the table. The last thing I need is to build an ark every time flowers come my way.
Flowers are pretty, yes, but if I wanted to bring something pretty yet impractical into my house, I would just go with the monkey butler. At least he can bring me a soda.
-The Anon Blogger
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Thursday, June 20, 2013
Miss Utah, The Wisest Mind Of This Generation
Recently, Miss Utah was asked about woman’s salaries compared to men’s salaries and how they tend to be lower. The judges of the beauty contest wanted to know what this said about society.
She said: “I think we can relate this back to education and how we are continuing to try to strive to (pause) figure out how to create jobs right now. That is the biggest problem and I think, especially the men, are um, seen as the leaders of this and so we need to try and figure out how to create education better so we can solve this problem. Thank you.” (Source)
Many say this was a big flub, but if you look closely, this is one of the most insightful comments of our generation. Let’s analyze:
“I think we can relate this back to education”
This is a clever political move. Much like politicians, she clearly prepared an answer before talking in public. Then, she just tried to take whatever question was asked and answer it with what she prepared. She’s just as smart as a politician, and everyone knows what geniuses they are.
“and how we are continuing to try to strive to (pause) figure out how to create jobs right now”
Here, she’s making an excellent point about the world’s effort to stimulate the job market, showing that she is clearly in tune with current events of society. Moreover, she acknowledges the slowness of this effort by saying, “to try to strive to (pause) figure out,” for the governments are not striving to fix the job market. They have not even figured out a plan, and they have not succeeded. They are just trying to strive to figure it out.
“That is the biggest problem and I think, especially the men, are um, seen as the leaders of this”
She notes the enormity of the problem, but subtly answers the initial question by explaining that these failed efforts were led by men. Perhaps if there was equal pay, women could lead the job market back to where it needs to be. A very subtle yet clever retort.
“and so we need to try and figure out how to create education better so we can solve this problem.”
Here is perhaps the biggest example of her aptitude. Here, she makes the point that we need to improve education, but understands that this statement on its own is empty, so to emphasize the point, she makes the statement completely incomprehensible, showing how people will talk if education continues to fail them. By leaving English grammar aside, she makes her point especially powerful.
“Thank you.”
I think this part is self-explanatory.
Thus, I can understand where the irony of her answer could be lost, but hopefully, I have explained the genius of Miss Utah. Hopefully, now we can give her the respect a beauty contest contestant deserves.
-The Anon Blogger
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Monday, June 17, 2013
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Shirt Traffic
Lately, I’ve been wearing shirts with sayings around the street I’ve noticed an odd trend. People (random people) stop, read the shirts and tell you what they think about them.
Now, it can be nice to get a random compliment, but there are a few things wrong with this.
1. I don’t know what they are talking about half the time. Let’s say my shirt says, “When all else fails, hope everyone else fails with you.” Someone comes up to me randomly and says, “ha I totally agree.” I know I’m wearing the shirt, but when I first hear this I’m thinking, “what are you agreeing with?”
Of course, five minutes later, I remember I’m wearing the shirt and realize what he meant.
2. Every time someone wants to read the shirt they stop. Just stop. Like in the middle of the street while everyone is walking they will just stop and read, holding up traffic. “¿por qué?,” I’m thinking. (Don’t ask me why I’m thinking Spanish.) As Dory said in Finding Nemo, “just keep swimming and don’t stop randomly to read my shirt.” At least I think it was something like that.
3. The worst part is when people stop me to read. Okay I understand, my shirt is hilarious and I am awesome, so naturally you want to read the shirt, but why must you make me stand still so that you can read it. Then again, maybe that is the price of wearing an awesome shirt (that and $17.99 plus shipping and handling).
So I’ve decided to send the following message to all those who do this. Please stop. Stop commenting out of context, stop holding up traffic, and stop stopping me to read. Do this for the good of society.
Are you also annoyed by this? Tell me in the comments below.
-The Anon Blogger
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Tuesday, June 11, 2013
The Outlet War
Just made this cartoon and thought I'd share it. I might make this a series.
-The Anon Blogger
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Thursday, June 6, 2013
Fortune Cookies
Have you ever ordered Chinese food? (If your answer was no, you should really get on that). Well when you do, the restaurants send these nice little cookies with little fortunes in them. I decided I would make my own little fortune cookies. Each of the links below lead to a fortune. Some are good, some are bad, none are actually indicative of what the future holds, but then again, maybe they are??? (But probably not).
Choose your fortune below to decide your fate:
Monday, June 3, 2013
1 Year Anniversary
Last Friday, The Anon Bloggers accomplished a huge feat. We reached our one year anniversary! Last year, I could never have imagined such growth. In a year, we have almost 150 google subscribers, over 600 twitter followers, over 100 Facebook fans, and numerous other who have enjoyed these posts, leading to over 30,000 page views.
However, the numbers don't matter as much as the individuals like you. If you've been here since the beginning, joined in in the middle, or even if this is your first time reading, you have made an impact on this blog. One that I appreciate more than you can know.
I know this blog might seem insignificant. One post a week making jokes about somethings that don't really matter, but it is also a distraction. A distraction from the serious topics of the world by emphasizing on the quirks of the world. And hopefully, it has made you smile and kept you entertained.
Hopefully over the next year I will be able to accomplish just as much or even more. Again, thanks to all of you. Here's to another year!
-The Anon Blogger
However, the numbers don't matter as much as the individuals like you. If you've been here since the beginning, joined in in the middle, or even if this is your first time reading, you have made an impact on this blog. One that I appreciate more than you can know.
I know this blog might seem insignificant. One post a week making jokes about somethings that don't really matter, but it is also a distraction. A distraction from the serious topics of the world by emphasizing on the quirks of the world. And hopefully, it has made you smile and kept you entertained.
Hopefully over the next year I will be able to accomplish just as much or even more. Again, thanks to all of you. Here's to another year!
-The Anon Blogger
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Rethinking Idioms: Slept Like a Baby
Have you ever heard anybody say, “I slept like a baby?” This is supposed to mean a deep sleep, but is that really what it says? On the surface, this seems like it makes sense, but if you think about, it really means something different than what we use it for.
Here it means you slept a good uninterrupted sleep, but from my knowledge of sitcoms, not many babies do this.
Babies sleep at random periods a day, but when they go to sleep for the night they randomly wake up waiting for their parents to sooth them. Hard to think this is happening to thousands of people everyday who are “sleeping like a baby.”
Also, they wake up crying. How do you think babies sleep if they constantly wake up crying like a baby? Not very well. (Not to mention the fact that they sometimes wake up with a less than pleasant diaper).
All in all, the saying, “slept like a baby” means essentially that one did not sleep like a baby. Either that or one spent the night waking up constantly, crying and might have wet the bed. I don’t know about you, but I would not want to tell anybody if that happened to me last night.
Here’s hoping you never sleep like a baby ever again (unless you are a baby in which it is unavoidable. Also, props on knowing how to read as a baby),
-The Anon Blogger
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